Busy Life...Time to Slow down

Well, we are about ready to open our FOURTH Yogurt Shack...is that crazy or what?  We built 4 yogurt stores in 11 months...phew, I hope we are done...It is exhausting work for both Scott and Jamie.  Scott because he is OLD!  tee hee and Jamie because he gets all the hard grunt work!!  I think those two boys will be very glad to take a break...and maybe Scott and I will be able to get down to AZ and relax!  Of course that will happen after the 22 of this month as I am babysitting Lacey's children while she and Aaron get away to San Francisco for their anniversary....oh but, shhhhhh, don't tell Aaron because it is a surprise!!

The other day I was not myself and I didn't like it much.  I guess some of it could be contributed to not always sleeping good...and on this particular day, I know I did not have a good nights rest...so I was still feeling tired and grumpy and I just wanted to do what I wanted to do...not want everyone else needed or wanted me to do.  Do you ever feel that way?  I must admit it doesn't happen to me very often...most of the time I am happy to do anything for anyone...I am a pleaser in that way.

And I had some guilt over what I was feeling...not always a good sign, is it?  Okay, so I was tired and grumpy, and my sweet mother-in-law was coming home from the hospital...Oh, I have not mentioned the trip to the hospital ...okay here it is...(so that I can remember all this in years to come...as if it is important...??)  On Monday, August 29 Elsa saw her pulmonary doctor...she checked out great...had a fairly rigorous testing and was rather tired on Tuesday...so took it easy and didn't go out...by Wednesday her back was hurting her...quite a bit.  On Thursday she made an appointment to see her doctor on Friday...her doctor was actually on vacation so she saw a PA (physicians assistant)...they took an xray fearing pneumonia...they "thought" there was a little bit of gray matter on her lungs, so they gave her a prescription for an antibiotic and sent her home.  She was pretty much in bed Friday, Saturday and then Sunday morning the pain was not good and she thought she should go to the hospital.  So Bill calls Scott at 9:30 am and asks him to take Elsa to the ER...we are there A.L.L. D.A.Y L.O.N.G...you know the drill with ER rooms, right?  They couldn't really find anything wrong with her...no infection anywhere...so they give her a big bag of liquid in an IV to see if that will perk her up and she can get up and walk...Well, it didn't really help and she was hardly able to get up and walk...very weak and shaky.  So the ER doctor decides it is best to admit her because it would not be safe for her to go home.  And he says to Scott, "I am missing something, and maybe the resident doctor can do a stomach CT scan and figure out the pain".  so by 7 PM she gets checked into a room...this is Sunday and she gets released on Thursday.  They never did find out what the pain was about...and in fact, they didn't even have a record of any pain (although she had been given pain pills several times while we were visiting).  By the time she gets home she has a very horrible cough...but it is very loose and it is high in her chest, not in her lungs...so all is well with that.  And she is very weak, but each day is better.

I think in past posts I have mentioned how difficult changes are for Bill...any little thing out of normal kind of puts him in a very bad place.  For instance, when we came to take Elsa to the ER, Bill had her walker (the heavier duty one with the seat-and it can store the oxygen tank, too) at the bedroom door...Scott says to his dad, "Dad, we want the wheelchair, mom can't walk."  "But Scott", he says...."NO, we need the wheelchair dad, go get it."  "But Scott, her oxygen is right here, she needs this...."  "DAD. GO GET THE WHEELCHAIR, MOM CANNOT WALK"...really Scott was being very nice, but firm with his dad...just a sample of how he does not accept change...when something is planted in his mind for things to happen one way, it really sends him into a frenzy if it doesn't happen that way.  (Gosh, now I recall reading a book about dealing with a "Spirited child" (this was for Caleb when he was 3 years old)...and I recall so many instances when something did not go the way he wanted it to go...he came unglued...just had a meltdown...) and that is kind of how Bill is with things.  It is sad...so we try very hard to be patient and to explain things..almost like he is 5 years old.  And to be honest, Bill is doing a fabulous job of being the caregiver for his wife.  Sometimes it is overwhelming for him...he says it is like "a wave crashing on him"....wave, after wave, after wave...we have tried to relieve the burden..we have tried to get them into a retirement home, we have tried to bring in outside help to assist with bathing and cooking....and they don't want any of it...they want to be in charge of their own lives and they don't want anyone to help...except of course FAMILY!  They will very graciously accept meals..and Bill does really good with heating things or making frozen dinners etc...but he is a perfectionist and sometimes that can cause extra stress for himself too. 

Scott finally had a heart to heart with his dad and told him he had two choices...move to an assisted living place ...or...allow some people to come into his home and assist with the daily living...He has agreed to let people come into the home and help.  Phew...that is BIG...that is HUGE...of course it hasn't happened yet, so we still may be dealing with some issues.  The last time I had arranged for a lady to come and assist Elsa with a bath, Bill didn't like the fact that she didn't bring a towel or soap or shampoo...OMG, I had to explain that she uses their things...the shampoo that Elsa likes and the soap that Elsa likes...but he had it in his head that she would come with her own supplies, so he was rather put out that she didn't come prepared, so he took a dislike to her...

It really is TOO LATE IN THEIR LIFE to go to an apartment...they would not do well...the time was two years ago, when they both were able to get around and could hold hands and support each other...now it would not be in Bill's best interest to move...he would not be able to find his tweezers...(okay, a little inside joke here...a sad little joke...if it can even be called a joke more like a story:  a year ago, we took a tour of a retirement facility and we all loved it...Bill actually gave his credit card to the lady to pay for the first months rent...this was on a Friday and we picked a date two weeks away and they would move.  So the following Monday, I go to their house and Bill takes my hand and sits down with me and says, "Last night I had to use the tweezers, and I thought to myself, "where would the tweezers be in the new place?"  And I said to him, "Well, I would probably put them in the bathroom and I would tell you where I put them".  And he says, "I just can't move because I wouldn't know where my tweezers are!"  "Okay, no problem, you won't move".  And then he puts his head in his hands and weeps....I kid you not...he weeps because he is relieved that I am not angry and disappointed with him.   See what I mean?

Scott and I have kidded each other about making a will and signing it saying what our daughters can do with us...but then I said we would probably not believe that it was our signature...so then he says, well, let's make a video of us ...we can laugh now about it, but in truth those are so very difficult times to go through with aging parents...they want their independence, yet they need help....they don't like strangers going through their kitchen...yet they need help...Elsa takes a lot of different drugs and even though John sorts it all out for her in those wonderful weekly pill holders, there are still different inhalers she needs to take and Bill needs to be responsible for that...and that can be overwhelming for him...those waves come down on him and it can be too much...

So when I started this post, I mentioned I was out of "sorts"..grumpy and not myself...and I guess it was because a lot of the "help" was falling on my shoulders...now normally John is the BEST caregiver ever...and so patient and kind...but he and Robin are in Norway for only 10 days...but it was while she was in the hospital and now that she is home, I am feeling the need to be helping a lot...just for the sake of Bill's peace of mind.  Today I asked if I could bring some bacon and make some BLT's for them for lunch...oh, they surely would love that.  And indeed, they said it was the best lunch ever...and the tomatoes were freshly picked from my garden...so yummy!  And I got up early and made a casserole for them, bought a couple of rolls and had Scott get a Caesar Salad from Papa Murphy's ... all this for their dinner.  Today, September 11 is Bill's 89th birthday...he loves Stanford's ribs and onion rings...I think perhaps we will get a take out order for him and maybe I will make some peach cobbler for his birthday dessert.  Gosh I am feeling better already...I guess just getting my feelings and thoughts down on paper helps a lot. 

I have been spending a lot of time at the new Yogurt Shack also...and running errands getting supplies and such...so there is always so much to do and I feel pulled in so many ways...and I did have to have a good talking with myself the other day...this will not always be like this and I don't want to look back and regret the time I have spent with either Bill and Elsa or even my Dad...I want to be the giving, kind and patient person I normally am...and they are so appreciative of the help (of course I am family, so that is a given!).  I just hope we don't go to battle when it is a new person...I will let you know how that goes...