Memories of Grandma Elsa...not published at her death, but read at her gravesite

Grandma will be missed dearly.  She was such an amazing woman and grandma.  I loved all our camping trips on the McKenzie River where we would sleep under the stars or even get the luxury of an RV one year.  While we played on the sand or near the water, I always knew she was on the balcony watching over us.  This was a very good thing when one time I stayed on a rock too long and the tide came in.  She came running down to the beach to save me from having to swim back to shore.  i will never forget our shoe shopping trips and how neat it was that the tradition was able to be passe don to the great-grandchildren.  She made everlasting traditions beyond the Christmas' and other holidays.  She was a wise and generous woman who will remain in my heart forever.

Lacey

I always thought it was so special that at every greeting I would get a hug and kiss on the cheek.  She was a gentle and caring woman.

Aaron

Grandma Elsa was the best Grandma in the world.  One of the coolest things about her was that she always had a book in her hands, that's how the name "Book Mom" came.  I also loved how she would take me shoe shopping and buy me the coolest shoes ever.  I hope that she will have a great time with Jesus and God in Heaven.

Caleb

Addie says she is glad that Grandma Elsa is able to be out of her wheelchair now.  (We prayed for that a lot)  Addie will miss her at Christmas.

Addie

When I think of Grandma many memories flash through my mind.  I think of her reading a book, in the kitchen both at home and at Cannon Beach making wonderful homemade meals, sitting around a campfire at McKenzie River, drinking hot chocolate with us at Timberline Lodge, bird watching at the kitchen table in Arizona, sharing a meal at Jones Cabin at Gozzer, and the many holidays and birthdays we have spent together.  Along with those special moments I remember he kind and caring nature, her great sense of humor, and all the love she showed me and my kids.  Every time you would go to give her a hug, she would pucker up for a kiss as well.  although she looked fragile, she was such a strong woman...all the way to the end.  I will hold all these memories close to my heart and her spirit will stay alive in our family forever.

Dina

I love Grandma Elsa so much because of her kindness and positive thoughts.  I also loved seeing her smile, it brightened up my day.  Also on all vacations, she was so willing to let us give hr a brand new hairstyle.  She even cooperated in letting us comb her hair.  Shoe shopping was fun too...I don't know where to begin we'll start from her...2 1/2 size boots and all the way to size 4 in both tennis shoes plus the expensive real UGG Boots.  I love you and always will.  Thank you Grandma, you will be in my heart forever.

Love, Ellie

Grandma Elsa, the most important thing that I miss about you is that you would always take us shoe shopping.  I love you so much because you were caring, thoughtful, always having a smile and always having a  positive attitude.  I miss you sooo much.

Love, Lily

Jalen said, "I love how she came to Gozzer with us."  When Ellie said, "you weren't even alive" (which he was) he said, "Yes, I was, I saw in the picture (hanging on the fridge)!"  Then Jalen said, "I liked looking for birds and squirrels with her."

Jalen

Celebration of Elsa's life

No pictures to post ... but we had over 40 people come to the house to share their memories of Elsa.  While looking at pictures from various times in her life, it brought joy and recaptured those memories.  That is what a Celebration is all about, isn't it?  Remembering the one who is now gone from our lives.  And...maybe the best part is rekindling some of the relationships from the past...you know family, even distant ones who somehow get lost in the life you live with your own family...or teachers from over 40 years ago...or neighbors...Elsa brought them all together for us and that is a blessing.  Perhaps we should take note of this and do it again, but not because someone has died...because we truly care about all those people who have left a mark on us...even if it is through someone else. 

Laid to Rest.....

We picked up Elsa in her beautiful handmade in Oregon Mrytle Wood Urn and then picked up Bill....we made our way to the Willamette National Cemetery.  We had a very small gathering with family...Bill's older brother, Don and his daughter Mary Alice, Bill's sister Dorine and husband Don, along with three of their daughters, Lori, Debbie and Nancy.  Our girls, Dina,husband Jamie; Lacey, husband Aaron and all six great grandchildren; John, Robin, Scott and myself.  It was perfect...drizzling just a bit as we walked from the car to the site...she is in a "wall"...near 450 (which is easy for us to remember because that is our address!) and then it stopped raining.  We placed the urn into the space and each of the older children placed their memory stories into the vault with Elsa.  Bill placed a rose inside...then it was closed and sealed.  ......

We gathered close and said the Lord's Prayer together....Ellie read her memory story and Lacey read a poem she wrote....then we said the Lord's Prayer one more time...We all hugged and cried and hugged some more.  Then we headed to Red Robin for some food and more good times.  It was so nice to share this time with other family that we don't see nearly often enough.  And the addition of the children at Red Robin was a very nice distraction for Bill...they were well behaved and they added that element of mischief, but also the warming touch only children can give...

Bill is home now taking a nap...John will take care of the evening meal with him and stay over night.  I suspect we will be taking turns with dinner for a while...it is good to get him out of the house....

Thank you all for checking back in and remember about the Celebration of Elsa's Life on Sunday November 27 from 1 - 5 pm.  Scott and Colleen's house...450 Twilight Trail, West Linn, Or  97068....if you need to call us:  503.754.6303 Scott's cell or my cell 503.754.6192....we eliminated our land line when we moved into the new home...

Our family members were so kind to bring evergreens...a Nordic tradition and flowers...and a boutoniere for each of us.  There has been a saying in this family forever:  "You get what you give"...well, that was too many letters for the engraving...we were limited with the number of characters...so Scott thought...and thought...and came up with the absolutely next best phrase that really exemplifies the life lived, shared and modeled by Bill and Elsa:  "Love Given....Love Returned"...Perfect!!

Ellie and Lily consoling "Papa Bill"

ELSA FOELKER - OBITUARY -November 14, 2011 ...1:37 pm, forever etched in our mind and heart...

Elsa M. Foelker  March 29, 1923 - November 14, 2011

Here is our dear sweet Elsa...such sparkles in her eyes and such a delightful smile ... such a positive and happy person.  She is now laid to rest...I know she is with our Lord, no doubt about it.  If you have been following my blog with updates about Elsa, then you know how I write...from the heart...all the wonderful moments we had towards the end...I captured them in my heart and then came home to write them here so that I would forever remember them...And my children and grandchildren can go back and read about her...the last month of her life was really a lot of fun for us because we took the time to sit with her every day and talk with her and laugh with her...if you go to any of the "labels" on the sidebar and see the word "Elsa" you can click on it and the stories will be brought up for you to read.  She never lost her sense of humor...right up to the day before she passed away, she had that wonderful humor that brought tears and chuckles to our eyes.

Okay, I am probably going to write a novel here, but before I do, I will give you the information that probably brought you to this blog...the obituary...and you recognize the picture above...the same one in the Oregonian...Elsa is going to be interred at the Willamette National Cemetery, however only the immediate family will be present.   But we have to celebrate her life with all of  you who knew and loved her also.  Please join us at an Open House on Sunday, November 27 from 1 - 5 pm.  Scott and I will host this celebration.  Come with your memories to share with all of us  - even any pictures that you might have, we would love to reminisce with you the times you had with both Bill and Elsa.  Our address is:  450 Twilight Trail, West Linn, Oregon.  The easiest directions from I- 205 is to take the Stafford Rd Exit and head north towards Lake Oswego (now if you are like me, you want to know if that is right or left...and it is LEFT off the exit ramp if you come from I-5, BUT, if you are coming from Oregon City, Milwaukie or any area on the east side of the river, then you will take the exit on your right and go RIGHT!!!..ha ha...I am directionally challenged, so I don't have a clue about North or South, just tell me to go left or right...sorry that is just me!).  So after you go LEFT...or RIGHT...towards Lake Oswego,  you will stay on Stafford Road, go through ONE round - about take the second exit on the round - about so that you are going straight on Stafford.  Go about 1 more mile to a second round-about...turn RIGHT at the first exit...Now you are on Rosemont Rd...go 1.2 miles and take the FIRST RIGHT, Wilda Rd...it is at the bottom of the road before it goes up a hill...take the first LEFT (the road kind of just turns to the left) now you are on Sweetbriar Rd...go 1/2 mile until you come to a "T" in the Road...take a RIGHT ...That is Twilight Trail...the second house on the left is ours...the first house on the left is our daughter's...and you are welcome to park along the street or even in their upper driveway.  We really do invite and welcome all who wish to come to remember the person who was a wife to Bill, a mother to Scott and John, a mother-in-law (the best ever!) to Robin and myself, a grandmother to Dina and Lacey (and their husbands Jamie and Aaron) and a great grandmother to six..(three from each daughter)...Caleb (12), Addie (4), Tristan (2) (they belong to Lacey and Aaron), and Ellie (10), Lily (8) and Jalen (4) (Dina and Jamie's children).

Elsa was born on March 29, 1923 in the town of Tillamook because that is where the hospital was...her family lived in Garibaldi.  Her parents both came from Norway in a town called Rosendal.  Her father was John Skaaluren and her mother was Anna Skaale.  Her father worked in the timber industry...either in the mills or working with wood.  Her mother was a homemaker and Elsa had a younger sister Anna May, who preceded Elsa in death.  During Elsa's high school years her family moved to Reedsport and from there she went to Pacific University and majored in Chemistry.  She met the love of her life, Bill Foelker while at the university.   They married in 1944...this December 16, 2011 would have been their 67th wedding anniversary.
Scott was born in 1950 and John in 1952, Elsa stayed home with her boys until they were both in school full time and could be responsible to come home by themselves.  She went back to school to get her teachers certificate and started teaching at Lot Whitcomb School in the North Clackamas School District.  She taught Fourth grade for many years, but she ended her teaching career teaching second graders.  When she was 59 years old she retired from teaching.

I am going to post this now...and return later to add more of the last 30 years of Elsa's life.

And ... one more day

I will start with some pictures...these are memory pictures...ones I can go back  and look at and remember...

First, were we ever surprised to see her on the sofa on Saturday, Nov. 12!  I think the poor dear was simply tired of laying in bed!

Check out her tiny delicate hands...she always had them folded just so...and Barb, one of the care givers painted her nails.

So yes, we were very surprised to see her on the sofa...but it was just a change of position, she has always loved her sofa and her body has made an imprint where she always sits...after a bit she did ask to go back to bed...so I got Scott and Barb to come help.  Scott lifted her up and she could not assist at all...he barely got her into the wheelchair and she was leaning forward, but had no control of her body...we asked if she needed to use the bathroom (we are finally learning...ask that question BEFORE we get her into bed!!)  she said NO.  But the minute we laid her down guess what she said?  Yup, "bathroom"!!  so up she goes and we get her into the wheelchair...and it is very apparent that this will be the very last trip to the bathroom she will make, she is unable to hold herself up on the commode...I am there holding her head for fear she will just fall forward and topple onto the floor.  But we take care of business and get her back into bed...we are now making another transition.  Elsa is very clammy...hot and then a little cold...this is typical I guess...it is what the book says...another "sign".  She had a very peaceful and restful sleep...a little Xanax crushed up and it helped a lot with the agitation and keeping her calm.

Now for Sunday...another day of transition...and I suspect I will be writing tomorrow night that she has passed.  We spent all day with her...she is not able to talk.  My goal was to have a private conversation with her...I  wanted and needed to give her permission to leave us.  I was feeling that she was hanging on because she is worried about Bill.  So I assured her that we all would be taking care of Bill...John is an excellent care giver and so patient and kind with his father...and I told Elsa that if he wanted to come stay at our house in that back bedroom he was welcome...but then I said, "But, Elsa I have a feeling he will not want to because he will not know where the "tweezers" are and she opened her mouth and made kind of a choke laugh sound!  (okay this is a story worth repeating for those of you who never heard it...I thought I had written it because it truly is one of my favorite stories, but I couldn't find the link...so I will just repeat it here....About two years ago we got Bill and Elsa to agree to go look at a retirement facility...we knew we would need Elsa's help to get Bill to move someplace and we needed to do it while Elsa was still able to get around and hold his hand and assure him that all would be well...We took them to the Stafford...Oh My...such a fancy place and such service and the food was so good...when we went into the office Bill surprised  us all, including his wife, as he handed over his credit card to prepay the first months rent!!  Holy Moly!!  Elsa told Scott that in the 65 years they have been married not ONCE has he made such a quick decision!!  That day was a Friday.  Fast forward three days to Monday...I go over to visit them and Bill greets me and takes me by the hand and sits me down.  While holding my hand he says this to me,  "Colleen, last night I had to use my tweezers, and I said to myself, 'where would these tweezers be in this new place'?"  And he looked into my eyes...I said, "Well, I would probably put them in a bathroom drawer and I would tell you where I put them".  to which he replies, "But I can't go because I wouldn't know where my tweezers are!"  I say to him, "Okay, we'll go to plan "B"."  I kid you not, that gentle man burst into tears and put his head in his hands...he thanked me...he thought I would be angry and disappointed in him...so that is the story of the tweezers and we have used it time and again to have a good laugh) and when I said that to Elsa she did get it and she did try to get a laugh out...bless her heart.

Then Dina came over...by herself without any little kiddos...she greeted Grandma and told her she was by herself, but if she had brought Lily, Lily would probably have climbed into bed with her and just laid next to Elsa giving her hugs...that is just the kind of girl Lily is...and with that Elsa again gave a little chuckle...more like an open mouth and a grunt because really she can't say any words at this point.  But what we loved was that she was hearing us...and then Lacey came and talked to her and held her hand...and the day turned into night.  She coughed a bit, she seemed to struggle a little with breathing and her respiratory was high, so we called hospice and they suggested giving her a little dose of morphine to ease with this breathing.  It helped a lot...so now she sleeps peacefully...she doesn't move, she doesn't open eyes, she just lays there.  Her feet and ankles are getting swollen and are very cold to the touch, her right hand and wrist are swollen, but her hands seem to be warm (oh..and Bill lit the fire, because through all of this, Elsa has LOVED to see the fire and to feel it's warmth), her breathing is very shallow and of course she has a little rattle...her face is even getting a little puffy...all these are signs of "transition"...so once again, I sat next to her and told her that her hair looks beautiful and really her complexion is very nice, she is not pale but rather almost flushed...so I told her it was okay to go meet God, He is waiting for her as are her parents and her sister and not to worry about Bill.  I said the Lord's Prayer to her and of course being Catholic, I said the Hail Mary...you know for the last 4 years she has been coming to the Mother's Day luncheon at my church...and she always has a such a great time with my daughters and me...and we honor Mary...being the mother of Jesus and our Heavenly Mother...I told Elsa that Mary is ready to wrap her mantle around her shoulders and lead her to her Son.  So now we wait...Scott and I came home for just a little bit of a respite...John and Robin are still at the house along with the caregiver.  They will call us when she takes her last breath.  The mortuary will be called and they will take Elsa's body away for preparation for cremation.  Bill is okay with everything and I think once she is gone, he may be relieved and I don't mean this in a mean way at all...it hurts him tremendously to see his wife laying there, not able to talk, and knowing that soon she will be gone from him...but then he will no longer need to be worrying about her and fussing about her and all the things he has been doing to take care of her...then he can simply take care of himself...

What a beautiful picture of John with his mom...this is Sunday night about 8 PM.

Bill, enjoying a little chocolate frozen yogurt Sunday night...

Transitioning from this world to the next....

It is a big change...when did it happen?  What day?  Why?  How did it happen?  One day she is sitting on the sofa and maybe not talking a lot, but occasionally hearing some words and responding...and she asks to go to the bathroom...and she drinks a little and she eats a little; ....then she is in bed all day...sleeping, not drinking anything.  Is the end near?  We read the brochures that Hospice have left us...outlining the weeks and days prior to death.  What to expect..what will happen, what will we see...how will we know the time is near?

A couple of days ago, Scott, John and I went to the Crown Memorial Mortuary.  We went to prepay for the cremation...get everything all lined up and ready to go.  We selected an urn...made of wood...Myrtle Wood to be exact!  When John and I saw this we NEW this was the one...Elsa loves myrtle wood and it brings her back to her coast roots.  AND the best part is that it is made by a man in Corvallis, OREGON!!  All the arrangements are taken care of...we did it without Bill...this would be too hard on him.  And I know he would trust us to select the best for his wife and he would be happy that we took care of it.  Still, someone needs to tell him...I am thinking son, JOHN!

The change came on Wednesday, November 9.  Elsa did not get out of bed...she barely was even awake.  She did not drink anything...she did not take any pills.  Her speech was almost non existent during the day...if she did say something, it was not coherent.  She was not in any pain, but her eyes are now glassy looking...a "sign" the booklet says...her eyes are just barely open...is she seeing?  Other times they are open and looking heaven ward.  I surely want to talk to her about what she sees...who she sees...it would be such an interesting conversation to have, wouldn't it?  But I don't...I wouldn't probably understand her anyway...

Bill is sitting in the TV room by himself.  Scott and Mari Ane, the caregiver, are in the living room with Elsa, as I walk by, Bill signals me with his hand to come to him.  I go up to him and take his hand and hold it to my chest.  He tries to speak...he holds up a finger to indicate:  wait a minute....he is composing himself for what he needs to ask of me.  After many seconds he says this to me:  "What will happen when she leaves this world".  My very first thought was:  Heaven and God.....but before I get those words out, I ask if he means who will come and what will happen?  And he nods.  So, it is up to me, not John to share what we have taken care of.  I tell him that a hospice nurse may come and will make the call to the Crown Mortuary...he quickly looks up and says, "WHO?"  I tell him not to worry, that Scott, John and I took care of those details, we purchased a beautiful Urn...and I tell him all about it...and that everything has been arranged and prepaid and he does not have to worry about a thing.  He thanks me.  I tell him the people from the mortuary will come and will be taking control of Elsa's body, they will gently prepare her and wrap her in a beautiful quilt to take out of the house.  He thanks me again.  I kiss his hand and then I kiss his cheek.  We both cry...he hands me a kleenex...I ask if there is anything else he would like to know.  He shakes his head.

So all day she is sleeping...and then Bill walks by and the floor board squeeks...Elsa's eyes fly wide open and she says as clearly as day:  "Well, HI! Bill!"  And she takes her hand from under the blanket and reaches out for his hand...he takes hold of it and bends over and kisses her...several times...I watch from a distance...not intruding on the clearly beautiful moment.  Bill gets down on one knee, still holding her hand and he stays kneeling for a few minutes.  I quietly walk in and bring a chair to him, I rub his back and quietly whisper there is a chair for him to sit on.  He sobs...he leaves for the bathroom.  I take Elsa's hand and tell her that Bill had to use the bathroom and will be right back.  He does return and he sits in the chair and holds her hand and she tries to say some words.  Then he sobs and shakes more openly...it is so hard for him...I hand him a kleenex and he takes it and blows his nose.  Elsa says, "Do you have a bloody nose?"  And we both burst out laughing...he leaves again to compose himself...when he comes out of the bathroom I go up to him and say, "Don't you just love that she still has a sense of humor?"

Bill goes around to sit on the side of her hospital bed and to lay his head down...Elsa is now getting a little "fiesty" and she tells me "to let Bill lay down"...I say, would you like him to lay next to you?  And she says again, "just let him lay down".  So I  say, yes, I am just putting a pillow right here for Bill to lay his head on.  She was okay with that.

She did have a restless night...dreaming and probably not pleasant dreams...she was thinking they were going to be taken to jail...and the caregiver assured her that she was safe, and Elsa just said, "Oh, okay".

Thursday was just like Wednesday, except she did drink abut 5 ounces of water...her skin is turning a little yellowish, her eyes are still glassy and she has a smell...I  don't know if it is a 'death smell'  maybe it is just a bad breath smell...but to me, it smells a little fishy...kind of like my kids used to smell when they were running a fever...although Elsa is NOT running a fever, we checked.  And she did get up ONE time today...she wanted to use the bathroom and it was maybe a 10 minute ordeal and it totally wiped her out...she stayed in bed the rest of the day and slept...no eating, but another sip of water around 7 pm.  The caregivers tell us this is a change, this is the transition period.  She maybe has one leg on the earth and maybe one leg up...which way should she go?  For now she is still with us.  Yesterday was a very very difficult day for Bill...it hit home the reality of losing her...sooner rather than later.  Today he seemed to be in better spirits.  I told him that the hearing is the last to go...I told him to sit with her, hold her hand, she knows his touch, she can feel his presence...and talk to her....the talking part is hard for him, but he is holding her hand and loving her...will this end tomorrow?  I don't know.  It will end and it will be sooner rather than later...here are some pictures of "Grandma" with Dina and Lacey.  I tried to take some pictures last night of Bill and Elsa holding hands, but the lights were off and the picture was blurry...perhaps I can try tomorrow...for now, they are just etched in my mind...so beautiful, so precious these two lovely people who have been married nearly 67 years...!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Friday is our day to be the caregivers...we are there just as much for Bill as we are for Elsa...and his eyes light up when he sees us in the morning.  Such a welcome sight, he says!  He trusts the caregivers, but I think he feels so much better when we are the ones to be there all day.  It was really an uneventful day...Elsa slept most of the time...she only used the bathroom twice and we moved from the couch to the bed and back to the couch...and during those times, her eyes are mostly closed....they are closed when I feed her (I ask her to open her mouth like a baby bird and I will know to put more food into her mouth)  and the eyes are closed when we talk...but we are not talking much these days...and her voice is quieter and sometimes it is hard to understand what she says.  Today as she lay in bed with the comforter all tucked around her, she looked so small...she tried to say something to me and I couldn't understand her...I tried to give her some water with a straw, but it seemed she didn't know what to do with the straw...it just sat in her mouth....So I ran to get a wash cloth and dipped the corner into water and put it into her mouth for some moisture, she did suck on it.  Then I remembered the hospice kit that was delivered...surely there would be some sponges in there (I remember having some for my mom)...the kit had not been opened yet and it was sealed...the box had a sign that said:  Call Hospice before opening.  Well, I didn't think a little sponge would be a big deal, and I felt Elsa needed some moisture, now...so I opened it and dipped it into water and put it in Elsa's mouth...she soaked it up and then I moved it all around her teeth and gums and inside her mouth...She said it felt good (well, I actually asked her if  that felt good and I got a little nod).... then she went back to sleep.  Then I called the hospice number and they said I did the right thing and that they would bring out more of the sponges for me later that day.

I brought my waffle iron with me to Bill and Elsa's house and made waffles for breakfast...and I enticed Elsa to eat maybe 8 tiny pieces of waffle with syrup...she said it was good.  For lunch she had about 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes and I told her I loaded on the butter...she and I are big fans of butter...real butter always makes things taste so much better.  And she ate it all...with her eyes closed!  I don't see that as a problem...I am the one who needs to see where to put the spoon!   She just opens her mouth for me!

And later for dinner she had a bit of potato salad (do you think we are loading her up on carbs?) and she said yummy...I was happy to get the thumbs up from her, because I made it and she taught me how to make the best potato salad ever!  She had to teach me by example...I once tried to follow her recipe and it was awful...there are little tricks and once I saw her make the whole thing...e.v.e.r.y little step of the way...then I got it and ever since I do good!!  (except for the few times that my potatoes are either a little too mushy or a little too hard in the center which makes the salad a little crunchy!!...BUT, good news, I have totally solved that problem.  I use my steam oven!!  yes, it was a light bulb moment I told Elsa.  I peeled and cubed my potatoes into my bite size pieces and put them into the steam oven...9 minutes later they are all perfect!!  I never have to go back to boiling the potatoes again!!).  And for Bill, I made some deviled eggs and Elsa said she would like to eat one, so I cut up one half of the egg and fed it to her...and she liked it and she got her protein (I know, along with some fat...but who cares!)

After dinner, Bill went and sat by Elsa and as you can see, they are holding hands....I think if you click on the picture, you may get a bigger view...you will see some moisture around Bill's eyes.  I was sitting at the table and gave him a "thumbs up" and he knew what I was thinking...he gave me a "thumbs up" back...he stayed there for almost an hour...not talking, just holding hands.  We kind of have Elsa propped up...she tends to start being like the leaning tower of Pisa ...so Scott put the brown body pillow down her side and over the top of the couch, he tucked it into her neck so her head could rest on it and then she has the comforter tucked all around her and the fireplace is going and the heat is up to 72...we are wearing short sleeves, but she asks for the heat to be turned up!  We figure we can always step outside...

We love this lady...she is so gracious, thanking us for everything we do for her...and she is not complaining and when we make adjustments we ask if that is okay and it is always "fine"...she really doesn't like to be a bother...and of course she is NOT...

Edited to add:  I went back and looked at the other pictures...from Monday (Halloween) to Friday (today) there is a big change in her appearance and her ability to move...she does not assist with getting up any more and she can not adjust herself in bed...so where you put her is where she stays.  Her mouth is drying out more frequently and it seems as if talking is harder to do...although there is nothing wrong with her hearing!  We may be sitting at the table talking quietly and she appears to be sleeping (the eyes closed, you know) and all of a sudden she makes a comment about what we are talking about...so I don't think a whole lot gets by this  lady...maybe she really isn't sleeping as much as I think she is!!

Feeding Time and a Good Son!

Editted

Sometimes Elsa feeds herself, but a lot of the time someone helps her.  Scott and I came to the house bearing some Frozen Yogurt from the Yogurt Shack...Elsa's favorite is just plain "chocolate"...no add-ons for her! (unlike some of the family who add on oreo cookie crumbles, or chopped peanuts, hot fudge, mini chocolate chips pieces...you get the idea...yummmmm!!)  Scott sat next to his mom and asked if she wanted some yogurt, a shake of the head, "NO" was her response.  Are you sure?  It's chocolate!!  Okay, one little bite...and that one little bite ended up being the whole thing...well, it was probably only 3 ounces to begin with...but you know, the first bite tasted so good, it whet her appetite for more!!  I couldn't resist a picture, because she and I have talked about how she is a little baby bird opening her mouth to let me know she is ready for another bite.  I don't like to force her to eat more than she wants and I certainly don't want to shovel the food in her mouth.  She has always been a slow eater...the very last in the group to finish her plate.  This time should be no different...so we take our time, talk in between bites and relish each bite...then she opens her mouth and it is the cue to drop in more food!

One more picture...I am lucky she doesn't have a computer to check these out, she may not be happy with me, but I love her and these pictures, it is what we are going through right now.  So I went right up to her and gave her a kiss and  hug and complimented her on her MOHAWK.!!  She laughed and said that we should have a contest...I told her she would WIN!!  And we laughed some more!!  And then when Scott came and sat next to her to entice her with the yogurt, the first thing he says his, "Mom, you have a mohawk going on there..nice hairdo!!"

So for now, Elsa is still eating a little bit, she seems to have an appetite again and things actually taste good to her.  I made some soup, a recipe from the Olive Garden:  Zuppa Toscana and she loved it...it had kale, potatoes, sausage, some bacon bits and the creamy part was some whip cream...yummy...(we are trying to give her calories) she loved it and eats about a 1/4 cup at  time.  She only eats two times a day, sometimes we can encourage her to have a midday snack, and she is still drinking a little water...mostly when she takes her pills.  Scott and I are heading over there to see Bill and Elsa now, I will give an update when I get back.

Updated news:  yesterday, Sunday, Oct. 30 Elsa mostly felt like sleeping all day...Bill was very sad that he could not get her to eat anything.  That depresses him.  We took him to Tebo's and he ordered a big bowl of chile and a reuben sandwich...he brought 1/2 the reuben home with him and he told Elsa, "I didn't realize how hungry I was, Els, I ate the chile and 1/2 the sandwich!".  I made some potato salad and enticed her to have a couple of bites...it is her recipe and she gave me a thumbs up on the 'taste test'...she had about 4 little potatoes.  While at dinner, the caregiver called to say Elsa wanted some Mac & Cheese, so there happened to be a Stouffers in the freezer...Elsa ate about 1/3 cup of it!  We will visit later today with all the Great grand children in their Halloween costumes...I asked Elsa if that would be alright and she said to be sure someone had a camera!!  Now for Bill...Scott told his dad to take a Xanax before all the ghosts and goblins or cheerleaders or S.W.A.T. men (that would be Jalen) show up at their house!!  It is what it is!!  Thanks for checking in....until later....

The Cutest Couple Ever....

Here is Bill and Elsa Foelker...he is 89 and she is 88 1/2....unfortunately Elsa is failing in her health.  On October 5th, I don't know what changed, but whatever it was made a difference for Elsa.  She started sleeping the days away and was unable to get out of bed...we feared the worst was coming, so we called Hospice and they came out that Sunday and we got Elsa all registered to receive the Hospice Hospitality.  Since then, we have had down days and then some better days.  She does try to sit up on the couch for a little while each day...and like most of us, she does tire of just laying in bed!!  Although, I do have a very cute story to share.  On the Sunday that Hospice came for the intake of information, the nurse asked to see Elsa, so I brought her into the bedroom.  Elsa was laying on her stomach and didn't even lift her head.  I leaned over the bed and said hi and asked how she was doing.  Her reply was:  "I am pretending to be sick so I can just stay in bed all day!"  I thought that was so sweet..she had a little chuckle after she said it and I told her to just pretend all she wants!!  This day the picture is taken started out very rough...Elsa did not sleep very much during the night, she just wanted to talk and talk and talk (according to the care giver) and she has been having some very vivid dreams and last night was no exception...she went to three parties!!  And apparently there were pirates around.  When Scott and I got to their house in the morning, she told us that it was not a dream, that it was all real...As hard as this is for Elsa, I do believe it is even harder on Bill...he sees his wife sleeping away her life, and not eating and that really bothers him...he escapes to the back room to wipe away his tears...But tonight after dinner, I asked him to sit next to Elsa so I could get a picture of the two of them and I do believe this is one of the best pictures they have ever taken...their smiles are just perfect and Bill's arm wrapped around Elsa is just so endearing.  Bill is being such a great sport about having three different care givers come into his home to assist in the care of Elsa.  He knows that he is not capable of lifting her or helping her to stand, and he knows we cannot be there 24/7, so it is okay with him and he does like all three ladies...tonight he said that he knew Barb would be fine when he witnessed her fixing Elsa's pillows behind her back and also when she was feeding Elsa...that alone gives him great comfort.  The confidence in the care givers allows him to take care of himself...he takes two naps a day and is usually in bed by 7 PM.  I commend Bill for being so very patient in allowing strangers to kind of make themselves at home in his home...that is not an easy situation.  So we take one day at a time and pray a lot...we pray that Elsa will not suffer and right now she does not have any pain, for that we are most thankful.

Now,since this blog is about remembering the past when I am in the future, I best share a few more stories...because they are allowing us to laugh with Elsa and to enjoy these days with her.  She is not taking any narcotics (they really make her loopy) but the doctor told us that often when end of life is nearing, the person has very vivid dreams and that seems to be what Elsa is going through right now.  We have had quite a few chuckles about the parties she has been too, and I have been with her....I kind of play along and ask her what we were wearing and she tells me that she can't remember!  So then I tell her she needs to pay closer attention to those details...I am curious if I was all decked out to the nines!!  She told me that if the parents of the kids at the parties knew she was there, they would want to get rid of her!  I asked her if she was a wild thing and she just laughs and says "OH, YES!"  and then we both just laugh!  One night she was out visiting about 5 homes...and the strange thing to her was that the homes all had the same furniture and accessories as her house!  She sat on the couch and pointed to a picture on the wall and said, "OH, now see that picture?  that was in those houses too!  Now why would anyone buy a stupid picture like that?"  I must admit to having fun with her although I don't think it is fun for Bill...he doesn't understand and gets confused about the things she is saying.  Scott told him that she is pulling memories for the past and getting them all mixed in with present things and so it doesn't always make sense to anyone...but in my opinion, it is better to just go along and not make her think she is losing her marbles or questioning everything she says...that does not serve a very good purpose and could do some mental damage to her...so for now, we laugh and enjoy the real dreams!

We were telling the care giver about John and Robin, who happened to be at the beach the first week of the Hospice care and Scott and I were trying to get 24/7 care for Elsa.  Elsa's comment was that John and Robin are 'deformed'...now she didn't mean that in a bad way...it was her way of saying that both John and Robin have some disabilities...and truly I think that is the work she was looking for, but it came out deformed.  Scott could hardly wait to share that story with his brother!!!  He got a big kick out of that one...and when he told John the story, John just cracked up laughing too!

When the doctor came to visit, she pointed to me and said I was Doctor Colleen...and John is much better than Scott with the medication...or in Elsa's words (trying to be politically correct here) "at least he seems to be better"..   So then Scott's comment was that at least he was the better looking one!!

The other night when we walked into the LR where Elsa was sitting, she asked Scott if he goes to school.  He told her NO.  She then said, "Well what do you do all day?"  And he replied, "Well, I just kind of hang around."  To that she says, "OH!  So you are one of those hanger arounders!!"  See what I mean about her cracking us up...really she has us in stitches!

So for now we are enjoying the banter, the good times and the laughing and telling of stories...even the crazy and wild ones...this is quite a ride we are all on...I know the end will be coming and it will be a very sad day...

All for now, I will keep this story going so that we will keep the memories alive..the good ones, the good times, the joy and laughter we can all share about our dear sweet Elsa Foelker.

In Good times and in Bad times....

We had a little scare with Scott's mom this past Monday...but the story starts the previous Monday...it seems she fell...kind of tripped over her oxygen hose...fortunately she did NOT hit a table or chair...but none the less, she was quite bruised on her face and her ribs were hurting her.  Unbeknownst to us, they went to the doctor to be told it was just bruised ribs...however, by Thursday she was in a lot of pain and decided to share the "falling" event with the family...they decided to take an ambulance to the hospital...and from there she was diagnosed with 4 fractured ribs and sent to a Rehabilitation Center in Gladstone.  Everything seemed to be going fine until Monday when my SIL asked the nurse to check Elsa's lungs because Robin (SIL) didn't like the way Elsa was sounding.  Sure enough, neither did the nurse, so once again Elsa was transported by ambulance to the Milwaukie Providence Hospital...after several hours in the ER she was admitted for pneumonia and the family was called in because the doctor said it came on fast and she didn't think Elsa would make it through the night.  She is reminding me of my mom...how many times my mom was in the hospital and we thought:  this is it....only to have her "have one more life"  (like the cat with 9 lives!!)...well, with an IV and getting fluids, she managed to pull herself out of that state and she is now back at the Clackamas Rehabilitation Center...she is looking so much better and she can remember things and recall a little bit about the hospital stay, but mostly it is very fuzzy for her...and I say that is a good thing, because Elsa was a little "cuckoo" would be a nice way to say it.  She was exhibiting some paranoia, some delusional thinking and speaking and we weren't sure if she had suffered a stroke or what was going on, but for sure we were very concerned about her mental abilities.  After more testing, it was determined that she did not suffer a stroke, her heart is as good as mine or Scott's, her lungs and kidneys are all great...she is just "fragile" and so if she were to have another 'event' she may not survive that...her blood flows to the region that is hurt and does not go to her brain..hence the paranoia and delusional thinking and speaking. 

Today we visited with her back in room 13 at the Rehab facility and we even took her and Bill down the hall to have lunch in the Sun Room...and you know what?  We actually did have the sun...and a very nice black and white cat was curled up sleeping in another chair in the room.   We pulled up the blinds so they could see outside...there was a bubbling rock and the cutest little bird fluttered by...I learned it was a Western Tanager...bright yellow with a most striking red head...just gorgeous!  It is so nice to see Elsa sitting up and eating and responding to conversation.  She will be there as long as it takes to get her to the place where she can get up on her own and handle a walker...and our hope is for her to go home.  We will most likely be looking for additional help for her in the morning and again in the evening.  With TLC from her family we hope to keep her out of a Foster Home or a nursing home.  Her husband would be ecstatic if she could come home and talk with him!  Here is a picture of the two of them sitting in the Sun Room eating lunch together...it is a little hard to tell which one is the sicker of the two...this event with Elsa has certainly taken its toll on Bill.