Well, if you read the previous post HERE, then you know what has happened. We were all pretty much in shock as it happened so quickly and so unexpectedly. John had talked to Bill earlier in the day about going to rehab and Bill thought he could go to rehab and then have John take him to his home and get what ever clothes he wanted to bring back...I don't think he quite got the picture!
Lots of emotion tied up with this death...the passing of both our mothers was expected, the loss of Bill was so unexpected that it just seems so surreal. It is difficult to grasp that he is really gone.
I may have mentioned when writing about Elsa's journey, that all the great - grandchildren's most memorable memories were of Bill and Elsa taking them "shoe shopping"...usually twice a year...first in the late summer for new school shoes, then again in the spring...maybe around Easter or even when the weather turned warmer, when the girls would select flip flops or sandals...That was a tradition that Bill and Elsa started when Dina and Lacey were quite young. And there were years when Bill alone took the girls shopping, even for new school clothes. And of course it was most often at Nordstrom's, but as pre-teens and teens, it was probably at such stores like The Gap, and Grandpa never batted an eye with cost...it was just something he did. It was usually followed with lunch out too...and in later years my girls would pick up Grandpa and maybe even Grandma and they would go together. It was viewed as a time to connect with family...to ask the "19" questions that Bill was so famous for! And just two weeks ago, in anticipation of "Spring Vacation" Bill talked to both of my daughters about taking all the great grandchildren shoe shopping...and he did not limit it to the 6 greats, he always bought something for his two grand daughters also. Planning a trip like that, keeping with tradition just speaks so highly of Bill's values for family and staying connected and being a part of everyone's life. He continued to look forward to doing things and living in the moment. So today, Scott thought it only proper that he take over that tradition. We met Dina's family in the shoe department and each of the children picked out new shoes. "Papa Scott" had to work on really following his father's tradition...anything goes, nothing is questioned (that is not to say the "MOM" can't question or encourage!)...and this is the BIG one...money is not an issue. (....he is NOT looking forward to the 'fall' shopping as he knows that could clearly mean "UGG" boots for at least two girls, and those are NOT cheap!, but Papa Bill bought them, so I guess Papa Scott will have to also!)....Later this week we will meet Lacey's family for their spring shoe shopping.
Traditions....according to the dictionary, it is an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action or behavior; the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction. I believe traditions are important in keeping memories alive through the generations. The shoe shopping is just one tradition that I know all will recall in years to come and perhaps, the sons-in-law will carry on Bill's tradition. And one other thing that Bill did for my girls that I remember him telling me that Grandpa Skaaluren did for his two sons (Elsa's dad) was arranging for different activity lessons..Bill made the first suggestion in taking gymnastic lessons for both daughters, then one winter he decided they should have roller skating lessons (he came over to the house and picked up the girls every Saturday for several months and took them to Oaks Park for the lessons)...so if they were ever invited to a party and they were roller skating, they would know how to do it! And of course, we can't forget about skiing...He brought them up to the mountain and outfitted them with the proper clothes and skis and gave them lessons...then there were the ice skating lessons at Clackamas Town Center. He gave them tennis lessons too...of and we mustn't forget about the swimming lessons at the Eastside Athletic Club...the main purpose for all these lessons was to expose the girls to many different athletic activities so that they could maybe find their passion, keep active and also to always feel comfortable in situations that they may find themselves. He was always such a giving person. Giving of his time, his talents, his treasures, and this brings to mind one of his most famous sayings that will remain his legacy in the Foelker family: "You Get What You Give"...my children grew up with this saying and it has passed to the grandchildren, Bill and Elsa's great grandchildren...Winston Churchill said something very similar:
We make a living
by what we get;
But we make a life,
by what we give.
And Mother Teresa said: Good works are links that form a chain of love.
I think that is what Bill was showing our family...forming our life by what we do for other people, not what they do for us...by continuing to show our love to each other and everyone we meet. And how much more meaningful it is to give and continue to give and in return we receive the most wonderful gift of all...the light of a smile, the appreciation of something unexpected...giving of ourselves...this is the highest form of being "Jesus" to the world. I will continue to work on passing on his legacy...I hope I am worthy to do so and will continue to teach his values, his courage, his compassion, and his giving to all my grandchildren. What a legacy he has left for us. We will surely miss him.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
William J. Foelker 9.11.22 - 3.25.12
It has been awhile since I last posted. I have meant to add a picture and a little story here and there, but somehow the days just slip away. And really that is too bad because this whole Blog Business for me is suppose to capture events and happenings in our lives...putting the memories to words so that I can go back later and read and recapture the thoughts and pictures in my head.
In January we picked up our Dad's and took them to Ellie's basketball game...I snapped a shot of them with Joan, Ellie's other Grandma (Nana!)
A couple of weeks back Scott and I picked up his dad and my dad and we drove to Canby High School to watch Ellie play club volleyball. Dina had set up two folding chairs for them and the minute Papa Bill sat in his chair, Lily was beside him holding his hand and his other arm was wrapped around her...that little girl just knows how to love....and then when Papa Bill needed to go to the bathroom, Lily ran over and took his hand and walked him across the gym, leading the way....and when they returned she was again holding his hand, giving him support and strength and it was such a beautiful site to see.
Afterwards we all went to dinner...there were 14 of us...we had hamburgers and they were the slipperiest hamburgers Bill had ever eaten...from there we went to the Yogurt Shack to sing Happy Birthday to all the February and March birthday people...Let's see that would be Dina,Scott, me, Jamie, and Aaron...and my dad made a cake, so we all had a piece of cake and some yogurt! Great memories.
And the last few winters I have been able to get away for a long weekend and visit my BFF up in Maple Valley Washington. We have been friends for 55 years and we still like each other and we love to make cards...so I spent 6 days with her and it rejuvenated my soul...I will share some health stories later, but for now the one thing weighing heavy on my heart is what I will write about now.
As you can see from the dates in the title, our dear Father, Father-in-law, Grandpa and finally "Papa Bill" to the 6 great grandchildren passed away on this Sunday afternoon. We are sad, he touched our lives so profoundly that his absence is going to be felt in all of us. Where once there was a big loving, generous human being, now only a HUGE void that will never be filled.
Tuesday, March 20 started out quite normally for Bill, he decided to drive to the local Safeway store where they have a Starbucks...he has acquired quite a taste for that treat, but first he walks around the parking lot and is so proud to say he walked it three times. Then he gets his coffee! This Tuesday, he said he was not paying attention to where he was going and he accidentally "grazed" (his words) the bumper of a parked car. that little bump put him off balance and he fell, right on his right leg. Two kind people helped pick him up and helped him walk to his car. He sat in his car and started it to get warm. Soon the manager, who was told of the incident by the person who helped Bill back to his car, came to Bill and asked if there was anything he could do for him. And this is totally Bill: "Yes, I would like a Grande Coffee Mocha"! And the manager obliged him! We laughed when he told us that story.
Bill then drove himself home, got out of the car, into the house and called his son John to tell him about his fall. John went right over and ended up staying the whole day and the night with his dad. He had to fuss with him to get him comfortable on the couch, and to help him go to the bathroom without having to get up, and to get him food...John is the ultimate caregiver...Robin called us that night around 10 pm to tell us of the fall and to relay that Bill thought it was a pulled muscle in his groin.
The next morning Scott goes over to get Bill to take him to the doctors. It is apparent in watching Bill walk that it is more than a pulled muscle. He down plays the pain and discomfort when Scott and the doctor want him to have an Xray...oh, he can put it off one day...but that wasn't going to happen with "Dr. Scott" in charge! So off they went to the ER. Bill had broken his femur, the doctor said he doesn't know of too many people who break their leg and continue walking on it...and maybe that is why the top was broken off...So Bill had surgery about 6:30 PM Wednesday night. The whole surgery took 45 minutes and went off without a hitch...he had good tissue and everything looked great. He had two new balls that were very strong and would give him good stability.
We saw him after the surgery and talked to him before he fell to sleep. We went back the next morning and he was going to see the PT person and get up and walk. He was in very good spirits...well, all except for one person...Rebecca was the OT....he guessed she was 29 and he was correct, he guessed she was from Chicago and he again was correct. She had him sit on a chair and was just talking to him. He told her he was cold, could she please put a blanket around his shoulders. She basically said NO, I need to ask these questions and do things my way. Again, Bill tells her that he is really cold and could use a blanket while he sits and talks to her. She doesn't budge and then he says something to her about being from Chicago, he can tell, because they are political and only do things "their way or the highway"...then he told her that HE pays her wages, she works for him and she needs to get him a blanket. Well, as you can imagine those words did not set well with this young inexperienced OT with the likes of Bill Foelker. He asked to see her supervisor!! She did finally get a blanket for him, but she never did return to his room!!
As he shared this story with us we could tell he was quite agitated and disturbed, but the old Bill was NOT going to let a pushy "my way or the highway" person get the best of him...he is still in control of his mind and what he wants too!
Thursday was a good day, with the exception of OT he had a positive attitude and enjoyed a visit with Lacey and her three children and a special gift from them: A Grande Coffee Mocha!! But by later in the evening he needed to go to the bathroom, but was having trouble going, during the night he seemed to have to go every hour and if he didn't get up to go, he was trying to pee in a jug and missing and soiling the bed several times...that caused him some anxiety and he could NOT relax all day long. He would sleep maybe 5 minutes, then awaken and have to be moving, adjusting pillows, feet, the bed, up, down, and thankfully John was at his side the whole day. In fact Bill was so beside himself he asked John to please stay the night with him. I think they finally gave him something to either sleep or calm him down and once he was in a deep sleep around midnight John slipped home to get his own good nights sleep. Friday was a little better, they actually had to catheterize him but then he got a "belly ache"...he was getting constipated and not feeling good about it at all...
The plan was to send Bill to a rehab on Saturday, but until he had a bowel movement they would not release him. They did everything they could to assist in that area and nothing was working. Sunday morning shows up and at 7 am he finally had a movement and the transportation vehicle was scheduled for pick up at 3 pm to take him to a rehab facility. Scott and I stayed home and John and Robin headed over to the hospital and were going to call us when they left so we could meet at the facility. But around 1:30 John calls and says his dad is having some low blood pressure and he felt faint when he went to use the bathroom, so the hospital does not want to release him this day until they get his blood pressure under control. John just pulls into the parking lot and the doctor calls him, it is serious and he needs the family to make some decisions. The directive was for no heroic measures...Robin calls me while John is talking to the doctor. I tell Scott we need to leave right now...as I am finishing up a pot of soup, Scott gets a call from the doctor. They talk for about 10 minutes...what is heroic? what is NOT heroic? It was finally decided that Bill could be brought up to ICU and they could figure out what is going on with his blood pressure and have closer supervision...so we wrap up our chicken noodle soup I had made and we get in the car. Robin calls us at 2:32 pm to tell us that they are now heading up to ICU, I tell her we are on the road....2:35 pm Robin calls again and tells us that Bill is gone.
I will write more tomorrow.
In January we picked up our Dad's and took them to Ellie's basketball game...I snapped a shot of them with Joan, Ellie's other Grandma (Nana!)
A couple of weeks back Scott and I picked up his dad and my dad and we drove to Canby High School to watch Ellie play club volleyball. Dina had set up two folding chairs for them and the minute Papa Bill sat in his chair, Lily was beside him holding his hand and his other arm was wrapped around her...that little girl just knows how to love....and then when Papa Bill needed to go to the bathroom, Lily ran over and took his hand and walked him across the gym, leading the way....and when they returned she was again holding his hand, giving him support and strength and it was such a beautiful site to see.
Afterwards we all went to dinner...there were 14 of us...we had hamburgers and they were the slipperiest hamburgers Bill had ever eaten...from there we went to the Yogurt Shack to sing Happy Birthday to all the February and March birthday people...Let's see that would be Dina,Scott, me, Jamie, and Aaron...and my dad made a cake, so we all had a piece of cake and some yogurt! Great memories.
And the last few winters I have been able to get away for a long weekend and visit my BFF up in Maple Valley Washington. We have been friends for 55 years and we still like each other and we love to make cards...so I spent 6 days with her and it rejuvenated my soul...I will share some health stories later, but for now the one thing weighing heavy on my heart is what I will write about now.
As you can see from the dates in the title, our dear Father, Father-in-law, Grandpa and finally "Papa Bill" to the 6 great grandchildren passed away on this Sunday afternoon. We are sad, he touched our lives so profoundly that his absence is going to be felt in all of us. Where once there was a big loving, generous human being, now only a HUGE void that will never be filled.
Tuesday, March 20 started out quite normally for Bill, he decided to drive to the local Safeway store where they have a Starbucks...he has acquired quite a taste for that treat, but first he walks around the parking lot and is so proud to say he walked it three times. Then he gets his coffee! This Tuesday, he said he was not paying attention to where he was going and he accidentally "grazed" (his words) the bumper of a parked car. that little bump put him off balance and he fell, right on his right leg. Two kind people helped pick him up and helped him walk to his car. He sat in his car and started it to get warm. Soon the manager, who was told of the incident by the person who helped Bill back to his car, came to Bill and asked if there was anything he could do for him. And this is totally Bill: "Yes, I would like a Grande Coffee Mocha"! And the manager obliged him! We laughed when he told us that story.
Bill then drove himself home, got out of the car, into the house and called his son John to tell him about his fall. John went right over and ended up staying the whole day and the night with his dad. He had to fuss with him to get him comfortable on the couch, and to help him go to the bathroom without having to get up, and to get him food...John is the ultimate caregiver...Robin called us that night around 10 pm to tell us of the fall and to relay that Bill thought it was a pulled muscle in his groin.
The next morning Scott goes over to get Bill to take him to the doctors. It is apparent in watching Bill walk that it is more than a pulled muscle. He down plays the pain and discomfort when Scott and the doctor want him to have an Xray...oh, he can put it off one day...but that wasn't going to happen with "Dr. Scott" in charge! So off they went to the ER. Bill had broken his femur, the doctor said he doesn't know of too many people who break their leg and continue walking on it...and maybe that is why the top was broken off...So Bill had surgery about 6:30 PM Wednesday night. The whole surgery took 45 minutes and went off without a hitch...he had good tissue and everything looked great. He had two new balls that were very strong and would give him good stability.
We saw him after the surgery and talked to him before he fell to sleep. We went back the next morning and he was going to see the PT person and get up and walk. He was in very good spirits...well, all except for one person...Rebecca was the OT....he guessed she was 29 and he was correct, he guessed she was from Chicago and he again was correct. She had him sit on a chair and was just talking to him. He told her he was cold, could she please put a blanket around his shoulders. She basically said NO, I need to ask these questions and do things my way. Again, Bill tells her that he is really cold and could use a blanket while he sits and talks to her. She doesn't budge and then he says something to her about being from Chicago, he can tell, because they are political and only do things "their way or the highway"...then he told her that HE pays her wages, she works for him and she needs to get him a blanket. Well, as you can imagine those words did not set well with this young inexperienced OT with the likes of Bill Foelker. He asked to see her supervisor!! She did finally get a blanket for him, but she never did return to his room!!
As he shared this story with us we could tell he was quite agitated and disturbed, but the old Bill was NOT going to let a pushy "my way or the highway" person get the best of him...he is still in control of his mind and what he wants too!
Thursday was a good day, with the exception of OT he had a positive attitude and enjoyed a visit with Lacey and her three children and a special gift from them: A Grande Coffee Mocha!! But by later in the evening he needed to go to the bathroom, but was having trouble going, during the night he seemed to have to go every hour and if he didn't get up to go, he was trying to pee in a jug and missing and soiling the bed several times...that caused him some anxiety and he could NOT relax all day long. He would sleep maybe 5 minutes, then awaken and have to be moving, adjusting pillows, feet, the bed, up, down, and thankfully John was at his side the whole day. In fact Bill was so beside himself he asked John to please stay the night with him. I think they finally gave him something to either sleep or calm him down and once he was in a deep sleep around midnight John slipped home to get his own good nights sleep. Friday was a little better, they actually had to catheterize him but then he got a "belly ache"...he was getting constipated and not feeling good about it at all...
The plan was to send Bill to a rehab on Saturday, but until he had a bowel movement they would not release him. They did everything they could to assist in that area and nothing was working. Sunday morning shows up and at 7 am he finally had a movement and the transportation vehicle was scheduled for pick up at 3 pm to take him to a rehab facility. Scott and I stayed home and John and Robin headed over to the hospital and were going to call us when they left so we could meet at the facility. But around 1:30 John calls and says his dad is having some low blood pressure and he felt faint when he went to use the bathroom, so the hospital does not want to release him this day until they get his blood pressure under control. John just pulls into the parking lot and the doctor calls him, it is serious and he needs the family to make some decisions. The directive was for no heroic measures...Robin calls me while John is talking to the doctor. I tell Scott we need to leave right now...as I am finishing up a pot of soup, Scott gets a call from the doctor. They talk for about 10 minutes...what is heroic? what is NOT heroic? It was finally decided that Bill could be brought up to ICU and they could figure out what is going on with his blood pressure and have closer supervision...so we wrap up our chicken noodle soup I had made and we get in the car. Robin calls us at 2:32 pm to tell us that they are now heading up to ICU, I tell her we are on the road....2:35 pm Robin calls again and tells us that Bill is gone.
I will write more tomorrow.
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