Feeding Time and a Good Son!

Editted

Sometimes Elsa feeds herself, but a lot of the time someone helps her.  Scott and I came to the house bearing some Frozen Yogurt from the Yogurt Shack...Elsa's favorite is just plain "chocolate"...no add-ons for her! (unlike some of the family who add on oreo cookie crumbles, or chopped peanuts, hot fudge, mini chocolate chips pieces...you get the idea...yummmmm!!)  Scott sat next to his mom and asked if she wanted some yogurt, a shake of the head, "NO" was her response.  Are you sure?  It's chocolate!!  Okay, one little bite...and that one little bite ended up being the whole thing...well, it was probably only 3 ounces to begin with...but you know, the first bite tasted so good, it whet her appetite for more!!  I couldn't resist a picture, because she and I have talked about how she is a little baby bird opening her mouth to let me know she is ready for another bite.  I don't like to force her to eat more than she wants and I certainly don't want to shovel the food in her mouth.  She has always been a slow eater...the very last in the group to finish her plate.  This time should be no different...so we take our time, talk in between bites and relish each bite...then she opens her mouth and it is the cue to drop in more food!

One more picture...I am lucky she doesn't have a computer to check these out, she may not be happy with me, but I love her and these pictures, it is what we are going through right now.  So I went right up to her and gave her a kiss and  hug and complimented her on her MOHAWK.!!  She laughed and said that we should have a contest...I told her she would WIN!!  And we laughed some more!!  And then when Scott came and sat next to her to entice her with the yogurt, the first thing he says his, "Mom, you have a mohawk going on there..nice hairdo!!"

So for now, Elsa is still eating a little bit, she seems to have an appetite again and things actually taste good to her.  I made some soup, a recipe from the Olive Garden:  Zuppa Toscana and she loved it...it had kale, potatoes, sausage, some bacon bits and the creamy part was some whip cream...yummy...(we are trying to give her calories) she loved it and eats about a 1/4 cup at  time.  She only eats two times a day, sometimes we can encourage her to have a midday snack, and she is still drinking a little water...mostly when she takes her pills.  Scott and I are heading over there to see Bill and Elsa now, I will give an update when I get back.

Updated news:  yesterday, Sunday, Oct. 30 Elsa mostly felt like sleeping all day...Bill was very sad that he could not get her to eat anything.  That depresses him.  We took him to Tebo's and he ordered a big bowl of chile and a reuben sandwich...he brought 1/2 the reuben home with him and he told Elsa, "I didn't realize how hungry I was, Els, I ate the chile and 1/2 the sandwich!".  I made some potato salad and enticed her to have a couple of bites...it is her recipe and she gave me a thumbs up on the 'taste test'...she had about 4 little potatoes.  While at dinner, the caregiver called to say Elsa wanted some Mac & Cheese, so there happened to be a Stouffers in the freezer...Elsa ate about 1/3 cup of it!  We will visit later today with all the Great grand children in their Halloween costumes...I asked Elsa if that would be alright and she said to be sure someone had a camera!!  Now for Bill...Scott told his dad to take a Xanax before all the ghosts and goblins or cheerleaders or S.W.A.T. men (that would be Jalen) show up at their house!!  It is what it is!!  Thanks for checking in....until later....

The Cutest Couple Ever....

Here is Bill and Elsa Foelker...he is 89 and she is 88 1/2....unfortunately Elsa is failing in her health.  On October 5th, I don't know what changed, but whatever it was made a difference for Elsa.  She started sleeping the days away and was unable to get out of bed...we feared the worst was coming, so we called Hospice and they came out that Sunday and we got Elsa all registered to receive the Hospice Hospitality.  Since then, we have had down days and then some better days.  She does try to sit up on the couch for a little while each day...and like most of us, she does tire of just laying in bed!!  Although, I do have a very cute story to share.  On the Sunday that Hospice came for the intake of information, the nurse asked to see Elsa, so I brought her into the bedroom.  Elsa was laying on her stomach and didn't even lift her head.  I leaned over the bed and said hi and asked how she was doing.  Her reply was:  "I am pretending to be sick so I can just stay in bed all day!"  I thought that was so sweet..she had a little chuckle after she said it and I told her to just pretend all she wants!!  This day the picture is taken started out very rough...Elsa did not sleep very much during the night, she just wanted to talk and talk and talk (according to the care giver) and she has been having some very vivid dreams and last night was no exception...she went to three parties!!  And apparently there were pirates around.  When Scott and I got to their house in the morning, she told us that it was not a dream, that it was all real...As hard as this is for Elsa, I do believe it is even harder on Bill...he sees his wife sleeping away her life, and not eating and that really bothers him...he escapes to the back room to wipe away his tears...But tonight after dinner, I asked him to sit next to Elsa so I could get a picture of the two of them and I do believe this is one of the best pictures they have ever taken...their smiles are just perfect and Bill's arm wrapped around Elsa is just so endearing.  Bill is being such a great sport about having three different care givers come into his home to assist in the care of Elsa.  He knows that he is not capable of lifting her or helping her to stand, and he knows we cannot be there 24/7, so it is okay with him and he does like all three ladies...tonight he said that he knew Barb would be fine when he witnessed her fixing Elsa's pillows behind her back and also when she was feeding Elsa...that alone gives him great comfort.  The confidence in the care givers allows him to take care of himself...he takes two naps a day and is usually in bed by 7 PM.  I commend Bill for being so very patient in allowing strangers to kind of make themselves at home in his home...that is not an easy situation.  So we take one day at a time and pray a lot...we pray that Elsa will not suffer and right now she does not have any pain, for that we are most thankful.

Now,since this blog is about remembering the past when I am in the future, I best share a few more stories...because they are allowing us to laugh with Elsa and to enjoy these days with her.  She is not taking any narcotics (they really make her loopy) but the doctor told us that often when end of life is nearing, the person has very vivid dreams and that seems to be what Elsa is going through right now.  We have had quite a few chuckles about the parties she has been too, and I have been with her....I kind of play along and ask her what we were wearing and she tells me that she can't remember!  So then I tell her she needs to pay closer attention to those details...I am curious if I was all decked out to the nines!!  She told me that if the parents of the kids at the parties knew she was there, they would want to get rid of her!  I asked her if she was a wild thing and she just laughs and says "OH, YES!"  and then we both just laugh!  One night she was out visiting about 5 homes...and the strange thing to her was that the homes all had the same furniture and accessories as her house!  She sat on the couch and pointed to a picture on the wall and said, "OH, now see that picture?  that was in those houses too!  Now why would anyone buy a stupid picture like that?"  I must admit to having fun with her although I don't think it is fun for Bill...he doesn't understand and gets confused about the things she is saying.  Scott told him that she is pulling memories for the past and getting them all mixed in with present things and so it doesn't always make sense to anyone...but in my opinion, it is better to just go along and not make her think she is losing her marbles or questioning everything she says...that does not serve a very good purpose and could do some mental damage to her...so for now, we laugh and enjoy the real dreams!

We were telling the care giver about John and Robin, who happened to be at the beach the first week of the Hospice care and Scott and I were trying to get 24/7 care for Elsa.  Elsa's comment was that John and Robin are 'deformed'...now she didn't mean that in a bad way...it was her way of saying that both John and Robin have some disabilities...and truly I think that is the work she was looking for, but it came out deformed.  Scott could hardly wait to share that story with his brother!!!  He got a big kick out of that one...and when he told John the story, John just cracked up laughing too!

When the doctor came to visit, she pointed to me and said I was Doctor Colleen...and John is much better than Scott with the medication...or in Elsa's words (trying to be politically correct here) "at least he seems to be better"..   So then Scott's comment was that at least he was the better looking one!!

The other night when we walked into the LR where Elsa was sitting, she asked Scott if he goes to school.  He told her NO.  She then said, "Well what do you do all day?"  And he replied, "Well, I just kind of hang around."  To that she says, "OH!  So you are one of those hanger arounders!!"  See what I mean about her cracking us up...really she has us in stitches!

So for now we are enjoying the banter, the good times and the laughing and telling of stories...even the crazy and wild ones...this is quite a ride we are all on...I know the end will be coming and it will be a very sad day...

All for now, I will keep this story going so that we will keep the memories alive..the good ones, the good times, the joy and laughter we can all share about our dear sweet Elsa Foelker.

A dinner get together

A couple of gals that I graduated from high school with get together occasionally and this last Wednesday night we decided we needed to catch up with each other's lives...so Liz and I carpooled to Becky's house and she prepared the dinner...Liz brought a bottle of wine and can you guess what I brought?  Yup...dessert!!  Very Berry Yogurt Sorbet and fresh raspberries and blueberries for the toppings.  Becky grilled delicious chicken, had a fantastic black bean, corn, avocado salad (and Liz and I requested the recipe), asparagus and warm french bread.  And then we talked and talked and talked...first we did take a look at her new patio...her flowers were gorgeous...she definitely has a green thumb.  Her front porch was the best of the block...such beautiful color and masses of it too!

So here is a picture of her little bit of heaven (and haven) on earth....

Aren't the colors gorgeous...I have never seen a geranium the color of the one above...we had such a great evening together...it is just good for the soul to be with your "sistahs"...know what I mean??  We laugh, we gripe, we talk about our aging parents and we of course talk about our significant others!!  Important to stay connected and to offer support to each other...

Deer in the Field

We are still so lucky to be able to have wild life in our yard...now some neighbors may not like that these "deer" little creatures of God are eating their roses and other veggies...but since I don't have a yard yet, I don't mind seeing them out the back window...and I love to watch them run...they are so very graceful in their leaps...

When I first spotted the tail of something going behind the dirt pile, I grabbed my camera and quietly stepped out onto the patio...I waited patiently and finally one deer stepped out and took a look at me...then another...they watched for several minutes, then decided to take off...

Notice the deer in the background standing along the side of the car...He/She just stood there and watched me watching the deer!!  Finally the little ones took off...but then in a short time the deer by the car was joined by another deer...I really don't mind them at all...however, my neighbor who has the car also has a lot of fruit trees right there...that might be the reason he/she was standing there...maybe chewing on a few apple leaves!

The Fourth and FINAL (?) Yogurt Shack!!

Well, I think the boys did it in record time...and really it went together pretty well, of course after already having done three of them, you kind of know the routine and what comes next...so without further ado...here are some pictures of this latest Yogurt Shack..I think we all agree it is the best of the bunch...the size may be the same, but the width is wider and not as deep, although we have a ton of space in the back for storage, and Scott was able to do a better job of placing things closer to where they need to be...so YES, this is the one to keep the blueprints!

working on trim, the tables and chairs arrived

walls are painted and the metal wainscoting is up

Back of the house, Lacey and Dina putting together a shelving unit...man working on the yogurt machine parts

5 Yogurt Machines, 10 flavors...the middle one is a swirl!!

Employees behind the counter

A customer and Scott still working on projects

Now for some of those fantastic painted canvas from Chloe...we gave her free license to do something different...Scott gave her some ideas and she followed through with the whole beach shack kind of theme...then she WOWED us with all the others...

the painting is on an orange wall...notice the yogurt cup with the Shack logo??

Doesn't it make you want to come right in and get some self serve frozen Yogurt?  Sooo good!  Thanks for checking in with me on this blog...now you know what we have been up to...busy time for the Foelker's, Snook's and Prueitt's for sure!

These are back of the 'house' pictures...storage racks with all the candy, nuts, etc. (toppings for the yogurt!) and the refrigerators that hold the fruit and the frozen yogurt (the yogurt comes in half gallon containers, frozen, so we thaw it and then keep it in these refrigerators until we need to pour them into the machines.

Caleb's new adventures

Caleb is loving motorcycle racing...he has been racing at the PIR nearly every Thursday this summer...and then there are weekend races in Washougal, WA, or Mountain View near Sandy, OR...This last weekend he took the First Place Trophy.  As you can imagine, Mom, Grandma, and of course Papa are a wee bit nervous (after all, this is NOT golf or even baseball!!)  however, he LOVES it and seems to be good at it...and MOM has made sure he is very well protected.  He has all the gear to protect his neck, his chest, high boots to protect the whole leg...and of course a big old helmet.  I can't believe this is my little guy...nearly 12 years old in just two weeks...he is in 7th grade...where have the years gone??

I have two more pictures to share from this spring and early summer...again, first place plaques...now, he doesn't always win first place...it is a big deal though, so of course I am featuring him when he does win the trophy!!

the plaque for taking first

Looks like it might have been a wet and muddy ride this time!!  But First Place again!!

Yes, we are proud of him...it is not the sport we would choose for him (but that is us...grandparents who worry!).  We are happy that he has found an activity that he loves and does well and it is definitely one he shares a passion with his dad...and I think I wrote about Aaron crashing about 6 weeks ago...broke 4 ribs, collarbone and a collapsed lung...he had to have a plate put in his collarbone...he had about a 5 night 4 day stay in the hospital to repair the damage...and mark my words he will soon be back on his bike...However I think his wife, Lacey has decreed that he can ride, just not compete...it is the competitive spirit in him that can get a little out of control and he goes for the gusto...and crashes!  We need to keep him safe from himself...he has a young family to be there for...wow that was an awful worded sentence...!

Busy Life...Time to Slow down

Well, we are about ready to open our FOURTH Yogurt Shack...is that crazy or what?  We built 4 yogurt stores in 11 months...phew, I hope we are done...It is exhausting work for both Scott and Jamie.  Scott because he is OLD!  tee hee and Jamie because he gets all the hard grunt work!!  I think those two boys will be very glad to take a break...and maybe Scott and I will be able to get down to AZ and relax!  Of course that will happen after the 22 of this month as I am babysitting Lacey's children while she and Aaron get away to San Francisco for their anniversary....oh but, shhhhhh, don't tell Aaron because it is a surprise!!

The other day I was not myself and I didn't like it much.  I guess some of it could be contributed to not always sleeping good...and on this particular day, I know I did not have a good nights rest...so I was still feeling tired and grumpy and I just wanted to do what I wanted to do...not want everyone else needed or wanted me to do.  Do you ever feel that way?  I must admit it doesn't happen to me very often...most of the time I am happy to do anything for anyone...I am a pleaser in that way.

And I had some guilt over what I was feeling...not always a good sign, is it?  Okay, so I was tired and grumpy, and my sweet mother-in-law was coming home from the hospital...Oh, I have not mentioned the trip to the hospital ...okay here it is...(so that I can remember all this in years to come...as if it is important...??)  On Monday, August 29 Elsa saw her pulmonary doctor...she checked out great...had a fairly rigorous testing and was rather tired on Tuesday...so took it easy and didn't go out...by Wednesday her back was hurting her...quite a bit.  On Thursday she made an appointment to see her doctor on Friday...her doctor was actually on vacation so she saw a PA (physicians assistant)...they took an xray fearing pneumonia...they "thought" there was a little bit of gray matter on her lungs, so they gave her a prescription for an antibiotic and sent her home.  She was pretty much in bed Friday, Saturday and then Sunday morning the pain was not good and she thought she should go to the hospital.  So Bill calls Scott at 9:30 am and asks him to take Elsa to the ER...we are there A.L.L. D.A.Y L.O.N.G...you know the drill with ER rooms, right?  They couldn't really find anything wrong with her...no infection anywhere...so they give her a big bag of liquid in an IV to see if that will perk her up and she can get up and walk...Well, it didn't really help and she was hardly able to get up and walk...very weak and shaky.  So the ER doctor decides it is best to admit her because it would not be safe for her to go home.  And he says to Scott, "I am missing something, and maybe the resident doctor can do a stomach CT scan and figure out the pain".  so by 7 PM she gets checked into a room...this is Sunday and she gets released on Thursday.  They never did find out what the pain was about...and in fact, they didn't even have a record of any pain (although she had been given pain pills several times while we were visiting).  By the time she gets home she has a very horrible cough...but it is very loose and it is high in her chest, not in her lungs...so all is well with that.  And she is very weak, but each day is better.

I think in past posts I have mentioned how difficult changes are for Bill...any little thing out of normal kind of puts him in a very bad place.  For instance, when we came to take Elsa to the ER, Bill had her walker (the heavier duty one with the seat-and it can store the oxygen tank, too) at the bedroom door...Scott says to his dad, "Dad, we want the wheelchair, mom can't walk."  "But Scott", he says...."NO, we need the wheelchair dad, go get it."  "But Scott, her oxygen is right here, she needs this...."  "DAD. GO GET THE WHEELCHAIR, MOM CANNOT WALK"...really Scott was being very nice, but firm with his dad...just a sample of how he does not accept change...when something is planted in his mind for things to happen one way, it really sends him into a frenzy if it doesn't happen that way.  (Gosh, now I recall reading a book about dealing with a "Spirited child" (this was for Caleb when he was 3 years old)...and I recall so many instances when something did not go the way he wanted it to go...he came unglued...just had a meltdown...) and that is kind of how Bill is with things.  It is sad...so we try very hard to be patient and to explain things..almost like he is 5 years old.  And to be honest, Bill is doing a fabulous job of being the caregiver for his wife.  Sometimes it is overwhelming for him...he says it is like "a wave crashing on him"....wave, after wave, after wave...we have tried to relieve the burden..we have tried to get them into a retirement home, we have tried to bring in outside help to assist with bathing and cooking....and they don't want any of it...they want to be in charge of their own lives and they don't want anyone to help...except of course FAMILY!  They will very graciously accept meals..and Bill does really good with heating things or making frozen dinners etc...but he is a perfectionist and sometimes that can cause extra stress for himself too. 

Scott finally had a heart to heart with his dad and told him he had two choices...move to an assisted living place ...or...allow some people to come into his home and assist with the daily living...He has agreed to let people come into the home and help.  Phew...that is BIG...that is HUGE...of course it hasn't happened yet, so we still may be dealing with some issues.  The last time I had arranged for a lady to come and assist Elsa with a bath, Bill didn't like the fact that she didn't bring a towel or soap or shampoo...OMG, I had to explain that she uses their things...the shampoo that Elsa likes and the soap that Elsa likes...but he had it in his head that she would come with her own supplies, so he was rather put out that she didn't come prepared, so he took a dislike to her...

It really is TOO LATE IN THEIR LIFE to go to an apartment...they would not do well...the time was two years ago, when they both were able to get around and could hold hands and support each other...now it would not be in Bill's best interest to move...he would not be able to find his tweezers...(okay, a little inside joke here...a sad little joke...if it can even be called a joke more like a story:  a year ago, we took a tour of a retirement facility and we all loved it...Bill actually gave his credit card to the lady to pay for the first months rent...this was on a Friday and we picked a date two weeks away and they would move.  So the following Monday, I go to their house and Bill takes my hand and sits down with me and says, "Last night I had to use the tweezers, and I thought to myself, "where would the tweezers be in the new place?"  And I said to him, "Well, I would probably put them in the bathroom and I would tell you where I put them".  And he says, "I just can't move because I wouldn't know where my tweezers are!"  "Okay, no problem, you won't move".  And then he puts his head in his hands and weeps....I kid you not...he weeps because he is relieved that I am not angry and disappointed with him.   See what I mean?

Scott and I have kidded each other about making a will and signing it saying what our daughters can do with us...but then I said we would probably not believe that it was our signature...so then he says, well, let's make a video of us ...we can laugh now about it, but in truth those are so very difficult times to go through with aging parents...they want their independence, yet they need help....they don't like strangers going through their kitchen...yet they need help...Elsa takes a lot of different drugs and even though John sorts it all out for her in those wonderful weekly pill holders, there are still different inhalers she needs to take and Bill needs to be responsible for that...and that can be overwhelming for him...those waves come down on him and it can be too much...

So when I started this post, I mentioned I was out of "sorts"..grumpy and not myself...and I guess it was because a lot of the "help" was falling on my shoulders...now normally John is the BEST caregiver ever...and so patient and kind...but he and Robin are in Norway for only 10 days...but it was while she was in the hospital and now that she is home, I am feeling the need to be helping a lot...just for the sake of Bill's peace of mind.  Today I asked if I could bring some bacon and make some BLT's for them for lunch...oh, they surely would love that.  And indeed, they said it was the best lunch ever...and the tomatoes were freshly picked from my garden...so yummy!  And I got up early and made a casserole for them, bought a couple of rolls and had Scott get a Caesar Salad from Papa Murphy's ... all this for their dinner.  Today, September 11 is Bill's 89th birthday...he loves Stanford's ribs and onion rings...I think perhaps we will get a take out order for him and maybe I will make some peach cobbler for his birthday dessert.  Gosh I am feeling better already...I guess just getting my feelings and thoughts down on paper helps a lot. 

I have been spending a lot of time at the new Yogurt Shack also...and running errands getting supplies and such...so there is always so much to do and I feel pulled in so many ways...and I did have to have a good talking with myself the other day...this will not always be like this and I don't want to look back and regret the time I have spent with either Bill and Elsa or even my Dad...I want to be the giving, kind and patient person I normally am...and they are so appreciative of the help (of course I am family, so that is a given!).  I just hope we don't go to battle when it is a new person...I will let you know how that goes...