Christmas Celebrations

I will get right to the pictures...and they are mostly of the 6 grandchildren...sorry parents, aunts and uncles...I missed you in the snapshots!

Addie, 4,proudly showing off her $20 from Papa Bill

Lily, 8, modeling her new outfit

Tristan, 2, showing us his new car

All the great kids with Papa Bill (minus Caleb)

Chris, Aaron's mom and Caleb with two reindeer cookies

Aaron, Lacey's husband, Lily and Scott

Papa Ben (my dad) with the great grand kids, minus Caleb

It was a very beautiful Christmas shared with family...it was also sad, we missed the two Great grandmothers...my mom has been gone for 4 1/2 years and I still miss her...Elsa died on November 14, and her presence is still very fresh in our mind and hearts.  Bill did well this night, no tears...at least none that we saw...his $20 to each great grandchild was a BIG hit, the dollar bills waving in the air with whoops of YEAH, and they all ran and gave him a big hug and with that a surprise ho ho ho from Bill...the innocence and the hugs from little ones help to heal the ache from missing a loved one...life goes on...and Elsa and my mom is seen in the character of these little ones...hopefully Scott, myself and our daughters are teaching the young ones all we learned from our moms and grandma's...their legacy lives on in these 6 young children.

Celebration of Elsa's life

No pictures to post ... but we had over 40 people come to the house to share their memories of Elsa.  While looking at pictures from various times in her life, it brought joy and recaptured those memories.  That is what a Celebration is all about, isn't it?  Remembering the one who is now gone from our lives.  And...maybe the best part is rekindling some of the relationships from the past...you know family, even distant ones who somehow get lost in the life you live with your own family...or teachers from over 40 years ago...or neighbors...Elsa brought them all together for us and that is a blessing.  Perhaps we should take note of this and do it again, but not because someone has died...because we truly care about all those people who have left a mark on us...even if it is through someone else. 

Thanksgiving 2011

Thought I would start with pictures...group picture, then a picture with Papa Bill, Papa Ben and the 6 great grandchildren, then family shots and finally 5 of the 6 eating the dessert...cupcakes for the kiddos and lemon merangue pie (compliments of Lacey) and our traditional and most loved dessert that my mom always made:  Marion berry cream cheese pie (made by my DAD!).  We had a good feast...kept it simple, had a small turkey breast, massed potatoes, gravy, broccoli, homemade rolls (from me...that is a tradition that Scott's grandma started...okay, I have to be honest here...I use the bread machine to make the dough...so easy, then I roll it out and shape it and then I get to put it into my warming drawer...oh man, these rolls raised so nicely...and they were so good, hot out of the oven!) and lacey brought the marshmallow topped yams! 

And can I just tell you that I used every appliance in my kitchen to pull together this feast?  Both of my ovens...the top one is a three in one...microwave, convected and traditional...so my 6 pound turkey breast took 45 minutes and it was so moist and juicy!  Then I used my steam oven to cook up the potatoes for mashing...that really helps me from over cooking the potatoes in water and having them be pre-mashed if you know what I mean!  The lower oven had a casserole that Scott made...YES, you read right, SCOTT MADE IT!!  Holy Moly is this the beginning of something great???  He saw this recipe for leftover turkey in the Tuesday Food Day...it was a poblano enchilada casserole...So he had to buy two poblanos...bake them until the skin was black...then take the skin off and all the seeds (that is the HOT part!)...then he put the meat of the pepper into the blender, added spices and other little things...in the meantime I did cook up some mexican style rice for him and then he layered the rice/cheese/turkey mixture with corn tortillas and the green poblano sauce...and it was a BIG hit...usually we have Mac and Cheese for a side dish (I don't know why this is a tradition, but early in our marriage we headed down to Grants Pass where Elsa's sister, Anna May lived with her family and she always had Mac and Cheese...so we continue with that tradition...except for this year!!  I used the warming drawer to put all our dishes in and rolls that I had previously baked, were wrapped in foil and kept warm...and I used the microwave for the broccoli, along with my Demarle...hmmmhmmm, perfect broccoli, just al dente!!

We only had Lacey's family sitting at the table for dinner, Dina's family came later, for dessert...so it was manageable and easier for the older generation.  And can I just add that Papa Bill did really well?  It had only been 10 days since his dear wife passed away and he did NOT cry once all evening...that was a great accomplishment for him.  However, everyone was warned not to say anything about her to him...and don't ask how he is doing...those are no no's...he just gets too choked up quite easily and then has to leave the room to compose himself.  He loved all the children...they can make anyone smile!  So it was a good day.

Laid to Rest.....

We picked up Elsa in her beautiful handmade in Oregon Mrytle Wood Urn and then picked up Bill....we made our way to the Willamette National Cemetery.  We had a very small gathering with family...Bill's older brother, Don and his daughter Mary Alice, Bill's sister Dorine and husband Don, along with three of their daughters, Lori, Debbie and Nancy.  Our girls, Dina,husband Jamie; Lacey, husband Aaron and all six great grandchildren; John, Robin, Scott and myself.  It was perfect...drizzling just a bit as we walked from the car to the site...she is in a "wall"...near 450 (which is easy for us to remember because that is our address!) and then it stopped raining.  We placed the urn into the space and each of the older children placed their memory stories into the vault with Elsa.  Bill placed a rose inside...then it was closed and sealed.  ......

We gathered close and said the Lord's Prayer together....Ellie read her memory story and Lacey read a poem she wrote....then we said the Lord's Prayer one more time...We all hugged and cried and hugged some more.  Then we headed to Red Robin for some food and more good times.  It was so nice to share this time with other family that we don't see nearly often enough.  And the addition of the children at Red Robin was a very nice distraction for Bill...they were well behaved and they added that element of mischief, but also the warming touch only children can give...

Bill is home now taking a nap...John will take care of the evening meal with him and stay over night.  I suspect we will be taking turns with dinner for a while...it is good to get him out of the house....

Thank you all for checking back in and remember about the Celebration of Elsa's Life on Sunday November 27 from 1 - 5 pm.  Scott and Colleen's house...450 Twilight Trail, West Linn, Or  97068....if you need to call us:  503.754.6303 Scott's cell or my cell 503.754.6192....we eliminated our land line when we moved into the new home...

Our family members were so kind to bring evergreens...a Nordic tradition and flowers...and a boutoniere for each of us.  There has been a saying in this family forever:  "You get what you give"...well, that was too many letters for the engraving...we were limited with the number of characters...so Scott thought...and thought...and came up with the absolutely next best phrase that really exemplifies the life lived, shared and modeled by Bill and Elsa:  "Love Given....Love Returned"...Perfect!!

Ellie and Lily consoling "Papa Bill"

ELSA FOELKER - OBITUARY -November 14, 2011 ...1:37 pm, forever etched in our mind and heart...

Elsa M. Foelker  March 29, 1923 - November 14, 2011

Here is our dear sweet Elsa...such sparkles in her eyes and such a delightful smile ... such a positive and happy person.  She is now laid to rest...I know she is with our Lord, no doubt about it.  If you have been following my blog with updates about Elsa, then you know how I write...from the heart...all the wonderful moments we had towards the end...I captured them in my heart and then came home to write them here so that I would forever remember them...And my children and grandchildren can go back and read about her...the last month of her life was really a lot of fun for us because we took the time to sit with her every day and talk with her and laugh with her...if you go to any of the "labels" on the sidebar and see the word "Elsa" you can click on it and the stories will be brought up for you to read.  She never lost her sense of humor...right up to the day before she passed away, she had that wonderful humor that brought tears and chuckles to our eyes.

Okay, I am probably going to write a novel here, but before I do, I will give you the information that probably brought you to this blog...the obituary...and you recognize the picture above...the same one in the Oregonian...Elsa is going to be interred at the Willamette National Cemetery, however only the immediate family will be present.   But we have to celebrate her life with all of  you who knew and loved her also.  Please join us at an Open House on Sunday, November 27 from 1 - 5 pm.  Scott and I will host this celebration.  Come with your memories to share with all of us  - even any pictures that you might have, we would love to reminisce with you the times you had with both Bill and Elsa.  Our address is:  450 Twilight Trail, West Linn, Oregon.  The easiest directions from I- 205 is to take the Stafford Rd Exit and head north towards Lake Oswego (now if you are like me, you want to know if that is right or left...and it is LEFT off the exit ramp if you come from I-5, BUT, if you are coming from Oregon City, Milwaukie or any area on the east side of the river, then you will take the exit on your right and go RIGHT!!!..ha ha...I am directionally challenged, so I don't have a clue about North or South, just tell me to go left or right...sorry that is just me!).  So after you go LEFT...or RIGHT...towards Lake Oswego,  you will stay on Stafford Road, go through ONE round - about take the second exit on the round - about so that you are going straight on Stafford.  Go about 1 more mile to a second round-about...turn RIGHT at the first exit...Now you are on Rosemont Rd...go 1.2 miles and take the FIRST RIGHT, Wilda Rd...it is at the bottom of the road before it goes up a hill...take the first LEFT (the road kind of just turns to the left) now you are on Sweetbriar Rd...go 1/2 mile until you come to a "T" in the Road...take a RIGHT ...That is Twilight Trail...the second house on the left is ours...the first house on the left is our daughter's...and you are welcome to park along the street or even in their upper driveway.  We really do invite and welcome all who wish to come to remember the person who was a wife to Bill, a mother to Scott and John, a mother-in-law (the best ever!) to Robin and myself, a grandmother to Dina and Lacey (and their husbands Jamie and Aaron) and a great grandmother to six..(three from each daughter)...Caleb (12), Addie (4), Tristan (2) (they belong to Lacey and Aaron), and Ellie (10), Lily (8) and Jalen (4) (Dina and Jamie's children).

Elsa was born on March 29, 1923 in the town of Tillamook because that is where the hospital was...her family lived in Garibaldi.  Her parents both came from Norway in a town called Rosendal.  Her father was John Skaaluren and her mother was Anna Skaale.  Her father worked in the timber industry...either in the mills or working with wood.  Her mother was a homemaker and Elsa had a younger sister Anna May, who preceded Elsa in death.  During Elsa's high school years her family moved to Reedsport and from there she went to Pacific University and majored in Chemistry.  She met the love of her life, Bill Foelker while at the university.   They married in 1944...this December 16, 2011 would have been their 67th wedding anniversary.
Scott was born in 1950 and John in 1952, Elsa stayed home with her boys until they were both in school full time and could be responsible to come home by themselves.  She went back to school to get her teachers certificate and started teaching at Lot Whitcomb School in the North Clackamas School District.  She taught Fourth grade for many years, but she ended her teaching career teaching second graders.  When she was 59 years old she retired from teaching.

I am going to post this now...and return later to add more of the last 30 years of Elsa's life.

And ... one more day

I will start with some pictures...these are memory pictures...ones I can go back  and look at and remember...

First, were we ever surprised to see her on the sofa on Saturday, Nov. 12!  I think the poor dear was simply tired of laying in bed!

Check out her tiny delicate hands...she always had them folded just so...and Barb, one of the care givers painted her nails.

So yes, we were very surprised to see her on the sofa...but it was just a change of position, she has always loved her sofa and her body has made an imprint where she always sits...after a bit she did ask to go back to bed...so I got Scott and Barb to come help.  Scott lifted her up and she could not assist at all...he barely got her into the wheelchair and she was leaning forward, but had no control of her body...we asked if she needed to use the bathroom (we are finally learning...ask that question BEFORE we get her into bed!!)  she said NO.  But the minute we laid her down guess what she said?  Yup, "bathroom"!!  so up she goes and we get her into the wheelchair...and it is very apparent that this will be the very last trip to the bathroom she will make, she is unable to hold herself up on the commode...I am there holding her head for fear she will just fall forward and topple onto the floor.  But we take care of business and get her back into bed...we are now making another transition.  Elsa is very clammy...hot and then a little cold...this is typical I guess...it is what the book says...another "sign".  She had a very peaceful and restful sleep...a little Xanax crushed up and it helped a lot with the agitation and keeping her calm.

Now for Sunday...another day of transition...and I suspect I will be writing tomorrow night that she has passed.  We spent all day with her...she is not able to talk.  My goal was to have a private conversation with her...I  wanted and needed to give her permission to leave us.  I was feeling that she was hanging on because she is worried about Bill.  So I assured her that we all would be taking care of Bill...John is an excellent care giver and so patient and kind with his father...and I told Elsa that if he wanted to come stay at our house in that back bedroom he was welcome...but then I said, "But, Elsa I have a feeling he will not want to because he will not know where the "tweezers" are and she opened her mouth and made kind of a choke laugh sound!  (okay this is a story worth repeating for those of you who never heard it...I thought I had written it because it truly is one of my favorite stories, but I couldn't find the link...so I will just repeat it here....About two years ago we got Bill and Elsa to agree to go look at a retirement facility...we knew we would need Elsa's help to get Bill to move someplace and we needed to do it while Elsa was still able to get around and hold his hand and assure him that all would be well...We took them to the Stafford...Oh My...such a fancy place and such service and the food was so good...when we went into the office Bill surprised  us all, including his wife, as he handed over his credit card to prepay the first months rent!!  Holy Moly!!  Elsa told Scott that in the 65 years they have been married not ONCE has he made such a quick decision!!  That day was a Friday.  Fast forward three days to Monday...I go over to visit them and Bill greets me and takes me by the hand and sits me down.  While holding my hand he says this to me,  "Colleen, last night I had to use my tweezers, and I said to myself, 'where would these tweezers be in this new place'?"  And he looked into my eyes...I said, "Well, I would probably put them in a bathroom drawer and I would tell you where I put them".  to which he replies, "But I can't go because I wouldn't know where my tweezers are!"  I say to him, "Okay, we'll go to plan "B"."  I kid you not, that gentle man burst into tears and put his head in his hands...he thanked me...he thought I would be angry and disappointed in him...so that is the story of the tweezers and we have used it time and again to have a good laugh) and when I said that to Elsa she did get it and she did try to get a laugh out...bless her heart.

Then Dina came over...by herself without any little kiddos...she greeted Grandma and told her she was by herself, but if she had brought Lily, Lily would probably have climbed into bed with her and just laid next to Elsa giving her hugs...that is just the kind of girl Lily is...and with that Elsa again gave a little chuckle...more like an open mouth and a grunt because really she can't say any words at this point.  But what we loved was that she was hearing us...and then Lacey came and talked to her and held her hand...and the day turned into night.  She coughed a bit, she seemed to struggle a little with breathing and her respiratory was high, so we called hospice and they suggested giving her a little dose of morphine to ease with this breathing.  It helped a lot...so now she sleeps peacefully...she doesn't move, she doesn't open eyes, she just lays there.  Her feet and ankles are getting swollen and are very cold to the touch, her right hand and wrist are swollen, but her hands seem to be warm (oh..and Bill lit the fire, because through all of this, Elsa has LOVED to see the fire and to feel it's warmth), her breathing is very shallow and of course she has a little rattle...her face is even getting a little puffy...all these are signs of "transition"...so once again, I sat next to her and told her that her hair looks beautiful and really her complexion is very nice, she is not pale but rather almost flushed...so I told her it was okay to go meet God, He is waiting for her as are her parents and her sister and not to worry about Bill.  I said the Lord's Prayer to her and of course being Catholic, I said the Hail Mary...you know for the last 4 years she has been coming to the Mother's Day luncheon at my church...and she always has a such a great time with my daughters and me...and we honor Mary...being the mother of Jesus and our Heavenly Mother...I told Elsa that Mary is ready to wrap her mantle around her shoulders and lead her to her Son.  So now we wait...Scott and I came home for just a little bit of a respite...John and Robin are still at the house along with the caregiver.  They will call us when she takes her last breath.  The mortuary will be called and they will take Elsa's body away for preparation for cremation.  Bill is okay with everything and I think once she is gone, he may be relieved and I don't mean this in a mean way at all...it hurts him tremendously to see his wife laying there, not able to talk, and knowing that soon she will be gone from him...but then he will no longer need to be worrying about her and fussing about her and all the things he has been doing to take care of her...then he can simply take care of himself...

What a beautiful picture of John with his mom...this is Sunday night about 8 PM.

Bill, enjoying a little chocolate frozen yogurt Sunday night...

Transitioning from this world to the next....

It is a big change...when did it happen?  What day?  Why?  How did it happen?  One day she is sitting on the sofa and maybe not talking a lot, but occasionally hearing some words and responding...and she asks to go to the bathroom...and she drinks a little and she eats a little; ....then she is in bed all day...sleeping, not drinking anything.  Is the end near?  We read the brochures that Hospice have left us...outlining the weeks and days prior to death.  What to expect..what will happen, what will we see...how will we know the time is near?

A couple of days ago, Scott, John and I went to the Crown Memorial Mortuary.  We went to prepay for the cremation...get everything all lined up and ready to go.  We selected an urn...made of wood...Myrtle Wood to be exact!  When John and I saw this we NEW this was the one...Elsa loves myrtle wood and it brings her back to her coast roots.  AND the best part is that it is made by a man in Corvallis, OREGON!!  All the arrangements are taken care of...we did it without Bill...this would be too hard on him.  And I know he would trust us to select the best for his wife and he would be happy that we took care of it.  Still, someone needs to tell him...I am thinking son, JOHN!

The change came on Wednesday, November 9.  Elsa did not get out of bed...she barely was even awake.  She did not drink anything...she did not take any pills.  Her speech was almost non existent during the day...if she did say something, it was not coherent.  She was not in any pain, but her eyes are now glassy looking...a "sign" the booklet says...her eyes are just barely open...is she seeing?  Other times they are open and looking heaven ward.  I surely want to talk to her about what she sees...who she sees...it would be such an interesting conversation to have, wouldn't it?  But I don't...I wouldn't probably understand her anyway...

Bill is sitting in the TV room by himself.  Scott and Mari Ane, the caregiver, are in the living room with Elsa, as I walk by, Bill signals me with his hand to come to him.  I go up to him and take his hand and hold it to my chest.  He tries to speak...he holds up a finger to indicate:  wait a minute....he is composing himself for what he needs to ask of me.  After many seconds he says this to me:  "What will happen when she leaves this world".  My very first thought was:  Heaven and God.....but before I get those words out, I ask if he means who will come and what will happen?  And he nods.  So, it is up to me, not John to share what we have taken care of.  I tell him that a hospice nurse may come and will make the call to the Crown Mortuary...he quickly looks up and says, "WHO?"  I tell him not to worry, that Scott, John and I took care of those details, we purchased a beautiful Urn...and I tell him all about it...and that everything has been arranged and prepaid and he does not have to worry about a thing.  He thanks me.  I tell him the people from the mortuary will come and will be taking control of Elsa's body, they will gently prepare her and wrap her in a beautiful quilt to take out of the house.  He thanks me again.  I kiss his hand and then I kiss his cheek.  We both cry...he hands me a kleenex...I ask if there is anything else he would like to know.  He shakes his head.

So all day she is sleeping...and then Bill walks by and the floor board squeeks...Elsa's eyes fly wide open and she says as clearly as day:  "Well, HI! Bill!"  And she takes her hand from under the blanket and reaches out for his hand...he takes hold of it and bends over and kisses her...several times...I watch from a distance...not intruding on the clearly beautiful moment.  Bill gets down on one knee, still holding her hand and he stays kneeling for a few minutes.  I quietly walk in and bring a chair to him, I rub his back and quietly whisper there is a chair for him to sit on.  He sobs...he leaves for the bathroom.  I take Elsa's hand and tell her that Bill had to use the bathroom and will be right back.  He does return and he sits in the chair and holds her hand and she tries to say some words.  Then he sobs and shakes more openly...it is so hard for him...I hand him a kleenex and he takes it and blows his nose.  Elsa says, "Do you have a bloody nose?"  And we both burst out laughing...he leaves again to compose himself...when he comes out of the bathroom I go up to him and say, "Don't you just love that she still has a sense of humor?"

Bill goes around to sit on the side of her hospital bed and to lay his head down...Elsa is now getting a little "fiesty" and she tells me "to let Bill lay down"...I say, would you like him to lay next to you?  And she says again, "just let him lay down".  So I  say, yes, I am just putting a pillow right here for Bill to lay his head on.  She was okay with that.

She did have a restless night...dreaming and probably not pleasant dreams...she was thinking they were going to be taken to jail...and the caregiver assured her that she was safe, and Elsa just said, "Oh, okay".

Thursday was just like Wednesday, except she did drink abut 5 ounces of water...her skin is turning a little yellowish, her eyes are still glassy and she has a smell...I  don't know if it is a 'death smell'  maybe it is just a bad breath smell...but to me, it smells a little fishy...kind of like my kids used to smell when they were running a fever...although Elsa is NOT running a fever, we checked.  And she did get up ONE time today...she wanted to use the bathroom and it was maybe a 10 minute ordeal and it totally wiped her out...she stayed in bed the rest of the day and slept...no eating, but another sip of water around 7 pm.  The caregivers tell us this is a change, this is the transition period.  She maybe has one leg on the earth and maybe one leg up...which way should she go?  For now she is still with us.  Yesterday was a very very difficult day for Bill...it hit home the reality of losing her...sooner rather than later.  Today he seemed to be in better spirits.  I told him that the hearing is the last to go...I told him to sit with her, hold her hand, she knows his touch, she can feel his presence...and talk to her....the talking part is hard for him, but he is holding her hand and loving her...will this end tomorrow?  I don't know.  It will end and it will be sooner rather than later...here are some pictures of "Grandma" with Dina and Lacey.  I tried to take some pictures last night of Bill and Elsa holding hands, but the lights were off and the picture was blurry...perhaps I can try tomorrow...for now, they are just etched in my mind...so beautiful, so precious these two lovely people who have been married nearly 67 years...!