Remember the 4 W's: And ... one more day

I will start with some pictures...these are memory pictures...ones I can go back and look at and remember...

First, were we ever surprised to see her on the sofa on Saturday, Nov. 12! I think the poor dear was simply tired of laying in bed!


Check out her tiny delicate hands...she always had them folded just so...and Barb, one of the care givers painted her nails.

So yes, we were very surprised to see her on the sofa...but it was just a change of position, she has always loved her sofa and her body has made an imprint where she always sits...after a bit she did ask to go back to bed...so I got Scott and Barb to come help. Scott lifted her up and she could not assist at all...he barely got her into the wheelchair and she was leaning forward, but had no control of her body...we asked if she needed to use the bathroom (we are finally learning...ask that question BEFORE we get her into bed!!) she said NO. But the minute we laid her down guess what she said? Yup, "bathroom"!! so up she goes and we get her into the wheelchair...and it is very apparent that this will be the very last trip to the bathroom she will make, she is unable to hold herself up on the commode...I am there holding her head for fear she will just fall forward and topple onto the floor. But we take care of business and get her back into bed...we are now making another transition. Elsa is very clammy...hot and then a little cold...this is typical I guess...it is what the book says...another "sign". She had a very peaceful and restful sleep...a little Xanax crushed up and it helped a lot with the agitation and keeping her calm.

Now for Sunday...another day of transition...and I suspect I will be writing tomorrow night that she has passed. We spent all day with her...she is not able to talk. My goal was to have a private conversation with her...I wanted and needed to give her permission to leave us. I was feeling that she was hanging on because she is worried about Bill. So I assured her that we all would be taking care of Bill...John is an excellent care giver and so patient and kind with his father...and I told Elsa that if he wanted to come stay at our house in that back bedroom he was welcome...but then I said, "But, Elsa I have a feeling he will not want to because he will not know where the "tweezers" are and she opened her mouth and made kind of a choke laugh sound! (okay this is a story worth repeating for those of you who never heard it...I thought I had written it because it truly is one of my favorite stories, but I couldn't find the link...so I will just repeat it here....About two years ago we got Bill and Elsa to agree to go look at a retirement facility...we knew we would need Elsa's help to get Bill to move someplace and we needed to do it while Elsa was still able to get around and hold his hand and assure him that all would be well...We took them to the Stafford...Oh My...such a fancy place and such service and the food was so good...when we went into the office Bill surprised us all, including his wife, as he handed over his credit card to prepay the first months rent!! Holy Moly!! Elsa told Scott that in the 65 years they have been married not ONCE has he made such a quick decision!! That day was a Friday. Fast forward three days to Monday...I go over to visit them and Bill greets me and takes me by the hand and sits me down. While holding my hand he says this to me, "Colleen, last night I had to use my tweezers, and I said to myself, 'where would these tweezers be in this new place'?" And he looked into my eyes...I said, "Well, I would probably put them in a bathroom drawer and I would tell you where I put them". to which he replies, "But I can't go because I wouldn't know where my tweezers are!" I say to him, "Okay, we'll go to plan "B"." I kid you not, that gentle man burst into tears and put his head in his hands...he thanked me...he thought I would be angry and disappointed in him...so that is the story of the tweezers and we have used it time and again to have a good laugh) and when I said that to Elsa she did get it and she did try to get a laugh out...bless her heart.

Then Dina came over...by herself without any little kiddos...she greeted Grandma and told her she was by herself, but if she had brought Lily, Lily would probably have climbed into bed with her and just laid next to Elsa giving her hugs...that is just the kind of girl Lily is...and with that Elsa again gave a little chuckle...more like an open mouth and a grunt because really she can't say any words at this point. But what we loved was that she was hearing us...and then Lacey came and talked to her and held her hand...and the day turned into night. She coughed a bit, she seemed to struggle a little with breathing and her respiratory was high, so we called hospice and they suggested giving her a little dose of morphine to ease with this breathing. It helped a lot...so now she sleeps peacefully...she doesn't move, she doesn't open eyes, she just lays there. Her feet and ankles are getting swollen and are very cold to the touch, her right hand and wrist are swollen, but her hands seem to be warm (oh..and Bill lit the fire, because through all of this, Elsa has LOVED to see the fire and to feel it's warmth), her breathing is very shallow and of course she has a little rattle...her face is even getting a little puffy...all these are signs of "transition"...so once again, I sat next to her and told her that her hair looks beautiful and really her complexion is very nice, she is not pale but rather almost flushed...so I told her it was okay to go meet God, He is waiting for her as are her parents and her sister and not to worry about Bill. I said the Lord's Prayer to her and of course being Catholic, I said the Hail Mary...you know for the last 4 years she has been coming to the Mother's Day luncheon at my church...and she always has a such a great time with my daughters and me...and we honor Mary...being the mother of Jesus and our Heavenly Mother...I told Elsa that Mary is ready to wrap her mantle around her shoulders and lead her to her Son. So now we wait...Scott and I came home for just a little bit of a respite...John and Robin are still at the house along with the caregiver. They will call us when she takes her last breath. The mortuary will be called and they will take Elsa's body away for preparation for cremation. Bill is okay with everything and I think once she is gone, he may be relieved and I don't mean this in a mean way at all...it hurts him tremendously to see his wife laying there, not able to talk, and knowing that soon she will be gone from him...but then he will no longer need to be worrying about her and fussing about her and all the things he has been doing to take care of her...then he can simply take care of himself...